Love All Life

my whiny complains about stuff i cannot yell out to people on the street.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

body ache

So freaking tireddddddddddddddddddddddddddd i have absolutely no energy to dance full out today.

i haven't studied in 2 days straight, and i'm scared... i am just so afraid to fall my exams at the end of this year. coz the chances of me failing is realli realli high............................

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................ stress with dance, stress with studies, and miserable and alone.........................

but i shouldn't......... it's the holidays, if i dont enjoy now, i can never enjoy ever. that's why i'm smiling at dance pracs.. coz you guys never fail to cheer me up..

Monday, September 25, 2006

we need homes!

while i was at the melbourne show, there was this organisation that had a booth. they were promoting the adoption of retired racing grey hounds.

i thought this was such a great idea. after all, if no one adopts them, these hounds will end up in dustbins, or in our veterinary labs for students to dissect.

so if you ever want a dog, who us loyal, caring, strong, loving yet gentle and lazy at the same time. (low maintenance) get a grey hound!

http://www.grv.org.au/adoption/weneedhomes.php

Saturday, September 23, 2006

fairs

Melbourne show was sooooooooooooooo fun.... i realli wanted to huge soft-toys, but i didn't dare try.. i know i wont make it anyway... but i won some small toys, bought tonnes of posters, costumes, (black wings, red horns, ) and ate lots of great unhealthy food. at night we even went for dinner.

i had so much fun today. in constrast, i was miserable on thursday.

i'm sure someone noticed how puffy my eyes were on friday morning. if you didn't, it's prob coz i concealed it cleverly with my fringe.

i broke down 3 times on thursday. the simple reason being that, i felt extremely lonely. i so hate to admit this. but i just did.

i know how much some of my frens think that i'm strong, independent etc etc... BAh.. rubbish.. well yeah most of the time i am pretty emotionally independent coz of my fmaily background. but there are just times when i just feel soooooooo alone, that no body cares, that no one wants to go out with me, no one wants to spend time with me etc etc.

i was alone on last saturday ngiht, sunday, and the rest of the days except the days when i have flare. i shopped alone, i went grocery shoping alone, i went to walk in the park alone, i ate alone, and perhaps the whole thing just accumulated until i couldn't take it anymore on thursday.

normally i cope with my loneliness pretty well. i do stuff what make myself happy. i shop (alot), i eat chocolate, i pamper myself, putting masks, painting my nails etc but it just wasn't enough on thursday. and Junni's absence made it worst.

i did think of calling ppl out. i though of every single person i knew of, but i could imagine their answer of 'no' before i even get the guts to ask them. if it's not the boyfren/girlfren, it's work, it's schwork, it's other frens. it's these sort of situations that make me feel that although i have many many frenz, i'm still lonely.

to add to this, so many of my frens got hitched recently. hitched frens = less single frens to go out with me. No, dont tell me to get a bf just becoz of this. it's a stupid reason. (plus i have female pride) Thinking back to secondary sch days, i realised that i have this thing about 'hating my frens' boyfrens for a while'. it was out of pure jealousy. that he was "taking her away" from me. so far, it has happened dramatically 3 times. it doesn;t feel good at all... i remember sitting at starbucks cafe in singapore alone studying when normally i would be with one of my group frens.

i know i look extremely happy when i'm out with my frens. i did think if my extreme ups and downs are a sort of disorder.. like bipolar disorder.. but i looked it up, it isn't.

but asides all this, the truth is, i know that ultimately, i was the one who CHOSE to be alone. coz i wanted to do my work. but when i can;t do my work, i feel horrible and useless coz i'd feel like i wasted my time. and my loneliness just adds to my misery.

on thursday, i kept convinceing myself that i was okie. 'you're fine, u just want to call ur mom to talk, tmr ur going to eat pancakes with ur frens, u'll be fine, you're strong, you have to be,like how mum and dad and everyone else has been teling me, dont be the weakling, you're perfectly okie' well i clearly wasn't. my first 'elo' to my mum ended up in tears.

my stepmom worked overseas (in hongkong) alone for over 10 years. if there's anyone i should listen to about loneliness it's her. of course she comforted me with the usual stuff. that i'm never alone etc etc. but the most important thing i though she said. was that i have to learn to cope with my own loneliness. (she also gave me some money to spend. heee... she knows me best...)

later on, i talked to joon and to my elder cousin online ad again, the tears came. they prob didn;t know i was crying. (which is good) both of them told me that it was perfectly normal. but aren't my episodes of depression from loneliness bit too dramatic? COme to think of it, maybe it was trauma from my younger days... i remember sitting alone in my room one new year's eve. i was 10. my parents just divorced and my mom was gone somewhere and my dad was overseas working. my grandparents were sitting down watching tv and my maid was washing up the dishes. hearing voices of laughter and happiness, i looked out of my window and saw my neighbours having a bbq with their familes and frenz and i asked my maid whya re they were making so much noise. "they're just celebrating new year." i asked her why we weren't celebrating, she replied me something that i cannot rememebr. the next minute i knew, i was upstairs in my room sitting on the floor, leaning against the cupboard feeling odd. i knew i was angry (at my neighbours) but asides that i knew there was something else. i also remember tears. But now i know what that odd feeling was.. again, loneliness...

i guess the lesson i have to learn is that, if i CHOSE to be alone, i should not feel miserable. i must cope with it. or at least occupy myself with something. but i should realli learn to cope with this enemy of mine.

Friday, September 22, 2006

haircut

Just had the best haircut in a few years... the last time i had a fantastic haircut, was in hong kong. i was sick of my hairstyle and told the hairstylist to whatever he wants to my hair, cut what suits me best.

next thing i knew, i chnaged from china-girl to japanese-girl. ahhaha, as in the hair was realli funky. it was short like a boys's, but i still looked feminine.

but man, this hairstyle i have now is hot... it just suits me so well... well done Ziad from Tony&Guys at melb central. turley well done! i reali realli like it!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

enough is enough

HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just made a decision to stop pitying myself from now on.........

i only have one life.

one!!!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Ta(1)-Ta(3)-Ta!!!!!!!!!!

For all the peeps who dont read news, or watch Aussie TV...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - -
"BANGKOK, Thailand - In the dead of night and without firing a shot, Thailand's military overthrew popularly elected Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra on Tuesday amid mounting criticism that he had undermined democracy.

The sudden, well-orchestrated coup — the first in 15 years and a throwback to an unsettled era in Thailand — was likely to spark both enthusiasm and criticism at home and abroad. The military said it would soon return power to a democratic government but did not say when.
Striking when Thaksin was in New York at the U.N. General Assembly, army commander Gen. Sondhi Boonyaratkalin sent tanks and troops into the drizzly, nighttime streets of Bangkok. The military ringed Thaksin's offices, seized control of television stations and declared a provisional authority loyal to the king.
The coup leaders declared martial law, revoked the constitution and ordered all troops not to leave duty stations without permission from their commanders. The stock exchange was to be closed Wednesday, along with schools, banks and government offices.
Bangkok's normally bustling streets emptied out early Wednesday, from shopping stalls to red light districts, as Thais and tourists learned of the coup.
Across the capital, Thais who trickled out onto barren streets welcomed the surprise turn of events as a necessary climax to months of demands for Thaksin to resign amid allegations of corruption, electoral skullduggery and a worsening Muslim insurgency. Many people were surprised, but few in Bangkok seemed disappointed.
A few dozen people raced over to the prime minister's office to take pictures of tanks surrounding the area. "This is exciting. Someone had to do this. It's the right thing," said Somboon Sukheviriya, 45, software developer snapping pictures of the armored vehicles with his cell phone.
The U.S. State Department said it was uneasy about the military takeover and hopes political differences can be resolved through democratic principles. "We are monitoring the situation with concern," a statement said. "We continue to hope that the Thai people will resolve their political differences in accord with democratic principles and the rule of law."
Australia used stronger language, saying it was concerned to see democracy "destroyed."
"We deeply regret the fact that such a coup has taken place; obviously to see democracy destroyed in that way is a matter for grave concern to us," Foreign Minister Alexander Downer told Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio by telephone from New York.
Thaksin recently alienated a segment of the military by claiming senior officers had tried to assassinate him in a failed bombing attempt. He also attempted to remove officers loyal to Sondhi from key positions.
Sondhi, who is known to be close to Thailand's revered constitutional monarch, will serve as acting prime minister, army spokesman Col. Akarat Chitroj said. Sondhi, well-regarded within the military, is a Muslim in this Buddhist-dominated nation.
Sondhi, 59, was selected last year to head the army partly because it was felt he could better deal with the Muslim insurgency in southern Thailand, where 1,700 people have been killed since 2004. Recently, Sondhi urged negotiations with the separatists in contrast to Thaksin's hard-fisted approach. Many analysts have said that with Thaksin in power, peace in the south was unlikely.
In New York, Thaksin declared a state of emergency in an audio statement via a government-owned TV station in Bangkok — a vain attempt to stave off the coup. He later canceled a scheduled address to the U.N. General Assembly.
A Foreign Ministry official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the media, said Thaksin tentatively planned to return to Thailand quickly. The official said he could not comment on the possibility of his being arrested if he returned.
Government spokesman Surapong Suebwonglee, who was with Thaksin, said the coup leaders "cannot succeed" and was confident they would fail "because democracy in Thailand has developed to some ... measure of maturity."
However, Sondhi's troops appeared to be in full control and clearly enjoyed the support of the monarch.
Former Prime Minister Chuan Leekpai, a member of the opposition Democrat Party, reflected an ambivalence that is likely to surface in coming days.
"As politicians, we do not support any kind of coup, but during the past five years the government of Thaksin created several conditions that forced the military to stage the coup. Thaksin has caused the crisis in the country," he told The Associated Press.
Thaksin, a telecommunications tycoon turned politician, handily won three general elections since coming to power in 2001 and garnered great support among the rural poor for his populist policies.
But he alienated the urban middle class, intellectuals and pro-democracy activists. They began mass street demonstrations late last year, charging Thaksin with abuse of power, corruption and emasculation of the country's democratic institutions, including what was once one of Asia's freest presses.
Some of Thaksin's critics wanted to jettison his policies promoting privatization, free trade agreements and CEO-style administration.
"I don't agree with the coup, but now that they've done it, I support it because Thaksin has refused to resign from his position," said Sasiprapha Chantawong, a university student. "Allowing Thaksin to carry on will ruin the country more than this. The reputation of the country may be somewhat damaged, but it's better than letting Thaksin stay in power."
He was among hundreds of people gathered at Government House taking photos and video of themselves with the tanks.
Initially, the coup went largely unnoticed in Thailand's popular tourist districts, where foreigners packed bars and cabarets oblivious to the activity about two miles away. But word raced among street vendors hawking T-shirts who packed up their carts quickly and started heading home.
As troops secured key sites in the capital unopposed, the coup leaders declared that a Council of Administrative Reform with King Bhumibol Adulyadej as head of state had seized power in Bangkok and nearby provinces without any resistance. They did not say what reforms the council would carry out.
Early Wednesday, the coup leaders announced that the appointment of the country's four regional army commanders to keep the peace and run civil administration in their respective areas outside Bangkok.
A senior army general, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the situation, said the chiefs of the army, navy and air force met with the king Tuesday to discuss formation of an interim government.
Bhumibol, a 78-year-old constitutional monarch with limited powers, has used his prestige to pressure opposing parties to compromise during political crises. He is credited with helping keep Thailand more stable than many of its Southeast Asian neighbors.
He is the world's longest-serving monarch and celebrated his 60th year on the throne with lavish festivities in June that were attended by royalty from around the world.
The bloodless coup was the first overt military intervention in the Thai political scene since 1991, when Suchinda Kraprayoon, a military general, toppled a civilian government in a bloodless takeover. An attempt by Suchinda to keep power led to street demonstrations, and he was ousted in 1992.
Afterward, the military promised to remain in its barracks, in contrast to earlier decades when military coups were a staple of Thai politics.
As recently as March, Sondhi, the army chief and Tuesday's coup leader, sought to ease speculation the military might join the political fray during street demonstrations against Thaksin.
"The army will not get involved in the political conflict. Political troubles should be resolved by politicians," Sondhi said then. "Military coups are a thing of the past." "
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - -- -

"Thailand's new military ruler has pledged to resign from power in two weeks and restore democracy in a year, after sweeping aside Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra in a bloodless coup.
General Sonthi Boonyaratglin, who orchestrated Tuesday night's coup while the premier was out of the country, said Thaksin had been pushed out in line with the wishes of the people after months of political turmoil.
"I will resign as interim prime minister within two weeks, and now we are looking for the person who will become the new prime minister," said Sonthi, who added that he hoped to hold new elections in October 2007.
"The potential candidates are politically neutral and love democracy with the king as head of state," he said.
After announcing the coup Tuesday night, Sonthi and his generals met with revered King Bhumibol Adulyadej, who in the past has given his tacit blessing to replace unpopular leaders and restore order in times of crisis.
Thailand has been wracked by months of political turmoil since Thaksin's family sold nearly two billion dollars of shares in the telecoms firm he founded -- without paying any tax.
Waves of street protests convinced Thaksin to step down temporarily and call a new election in April, but the poll descended into chaos and members of the election commission were jailed on charges of helping Thaksin's party.
New elections were repeatedly delayed, and Sonthi said the generals had finally decided it was time to take action.
"Nobody was behind us. We decided on our own, and we took care of it on our own," he said.
"We decided within the last two days to stage a coup because the people have called for it and also because of the mismanagement of the government."
Sonthi, who announced after the coup that the constitution had been annulled, said a new interim constitution would be ready early next month, which would lead to a permanent constitution about one year later.
"The next general election will hopefully take place in October next year," the general said.
Earlier, Sonthi took to state television to announce strict new controls on the media and a ban on public gatherings. The country's border with Laos and Myanmar in the north, a strongly pro-Thaksin area, was closed.
Leaders around the world denounced the coup, which rattled Asian stock markets and overshadowed the opening of the annual United Nations General Assembly in New York, where Thaksin had gone to deliver a speech.
"We want to see a return to democratic rule," Australian Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said. "It's of grave concern for us that the government has been overthrown in this way."
The seizure of power by Sonthi, the largely Buddhist nation's first-ever Muslim army chief, came amid widespread criticism of Thaksin's handling of a militant Islamic uprising in the south of the country.
More than 1,400 people have been killed in nearly three years of violence in the south and the unrest has continued to intensify despite Thaksin's imposition of martial law in parts of the region.
But perhaps the strongest anger over Thaksin came after January's stock sale.
As pockets of troops took up positions across the capital Bangkok on Tuesday night -- many wearing yellow as a sign of loyalty to the king -- Thaksin watched on television in New York as his five years in power slipped away.
A Thai army source said Thaksin, one of the richest men in the nation, was expected to go to London. Coup leader Sonthi said Thaksin could return to Thailand, but warned he could face criminal charges.
There were no immediate reports of violence or unrest across the nation of some 64 million people, which has lived through at least 18 coups in the last seven decades.
As Thais waited to see what would come next, many said they were not surprised by the military's move.
"I have wanted the army to take control with a coup for a long, long time, because there have been many protests," said 40-year-old Boonchou Reukamlang in Bangkok."
------------------------------------------------- ----- - - - ------------------- - - - - -- - - - -

yes... Thailand is under military coup.... shocking news eh? i mean, this is soooooooooooooooooooooooo close to home! and i bet you know at least one fren or a fren's fren that is there on holiday right now!

reference: yahoo news.. http://sg.news.yahoo.com/060920/1/43jso.html
and http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060919/ap_on_re_as/thailand

Monday, September 18, 2006

Neko darling

awwwwwwww just look at that....

she never fails to make me heart melt when i go home. rubbing her face all over my legs, meowing, purring, looking at me with eyes that say "i was good today"

hahahhahaha....

no title

i hate it when shitty things happen to me because i didn't prevent it in the first place.. realli realli... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... but i have no one to blame but myself as usual..

spent the whole morning alone. went to run all the errans.. bought neko's food, bought my sports shoes (first pair i've owned since 3 years ago, as you can tell, i'm not the kind to head for the gym) bought my contact lense solution etc etc..

felt lonely... just that little... but i didn;t wanna ask anyone out. perhaps i just wanted to feel miserable for today. and i thought of all the ppl i could ask out, but could already imagine the reasons they;ll say no... it's a sunday afterall.

it's time... alot of ppl are telling me that it's time. yeah yeah yeah .... easier said than done...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... gotta get my ass up to study!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

female pride

"My female pride…

Tells me that I must be very independent. Rely on no one, be strong, be successful on my own. But sometimes, I can’t help but feel small and vulnerable and in need of company. Like when I walk home alone at night.

Tells me not to be vain when I go to school. That dressing up for school is silly and needless. Who am I expecting to attract? Who is going to look at me? Even so, do I want their attention? That sort of attention? But sometimes, I can’t help but want to dress up, want to feel pretty. I may or may not want to attract attention, but I cannot deny the fact that I am very vain.

Tells me that dieting is for suckers. That I should eat whatever I want that makes me happy. That thin girls have drowned themselves in their own dieting misery of inner and outer voices that tell then that they’re fat when they’re not. But I am afraid of becoming fat. I am afraid of falling ill. So I watch my diet with much guilt that I know is unnecessary.

Tells me not to dwell in matter of the heart. That it is not important in life. at least not as important as my carreer and family success at this point. But sometimes, I can’t help but feel alone amonsgst my many friends. Can’t help but want to feel wanted, feel loved, feel taken care of. Then again, this would go against female pride number 1."

I wrote this on a set of lecture notes a few weeks back. My vet frens and I were talking about these feelings we get, and I’ve learnt that it’s called the female pride. Unlike the make pride, it established much later in human history. And unlike my frenz, this female pride is very very very strong in me. so strong that I have this intra-conflicts going on in my head all the time. It’s good to get them out. And I did get them out, in one AHM lecture when I wasn’t listening…

check this out...

Our beloved senoir minister, on the spotlight of my favourite website. well one of the...

I know how much ppl say he's a tyrant etc etc. but you cannot deny the fact that he did lead us to independence (well not intentional) and he did fast forward our country from developing to developed as compared to our neightbours. (no offence guys...)

anywayz, today was so nice to spend some time at the beach. i havent felt sand under my feet for ages! and it feels good. we were there to celebrate Lisa's birthday. happy birthday girly! as usual, the gang did crazy stuff on the beach. joon and inggrid dug themselves into the sand as fast as possible to compete, we had our footprints imprinted onto the sand to..


and of course we had knuckles to pet and sayang!

OOoooo whata day!

but i was so bored later in the evening.. lucky i had snow white and the bachelor on tv to keep my company.

then again, to feel bored like this once in a while is a luxury. i haven't done 'nothing' like this in a long time.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

i want!!!!

i wanna drive!!!!!

the more i see my frens driving happily around with their cars, all the mor ei wanna own my own car and drive!!!!

i dont need to depend on my frens to drive me anymore, i don't need to trouble them anymore, i dont need to be dropped off at melb central and walk home anymore, i dont have to worry about carrying lots of stuff when taking public transport, i dont have to worry about my shoes and whether it will hurt when i walk too long in them, i dont have to....

and i can bring my family and frens around, and make sure my frens get home safely at night, make sure my meimei isn't tired when she walks too long, make sure...

i want my license!!!!!!!!! (this time i spelt it right.. yeah, realised i've been misspelling it...)

i want my car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i went on a shopping spree by myself today! woohoo.. feels GOOD....

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Make Over

made my room over today. felt that i needed a change of some environment.. hmmmm Ni and i realised we kinda need more furniture and i need to get that ugly costume box out of the hall way too...

haha, now my room looks realli ching chong. but i can one. =p a banana to be precise.

but i can't find a nice place to put the lovely birthday frame up! i have to get my ass to the hard ware stopre and get some screws that will hold the heavy thing in place.

Ni and i also decided to buy soem princess stickers for the toilet and make it all GIRLY. heehehehe.. the living/dining hall remains african. hoho..

i think i need another picture for the living room.. i moved the "mixology" poster to my kitchen bench. it fits. it make the bench look like a "TABLE" of alcohol. coz the posture is called "periodictable of mixology"

hahhahaha.. [why am i soooooooooo lame today?]

and when i get my car and have settled down next year, i'll get a bed frame.

HOHOHOOHOHO...

Monday, September 11, 2006

a series of unfortunate events

my bad luck never ends...

i just found out that my sch term starts 3 weeks earlier than all of the other students.. that means my sch starts on Feb 5th.

therefore... no chinese new year.

i also have to get my test done after 11th Jan, and i have to do it soon since my school starts early.

that makes 1 month, the the time i have to get my lisence and the car and hence drive to school. not to mention the insurance etc etc..

and who is going to be around melbourne at this time???

things are always screwing up for me... always always always always always...

fortuantely i know some aunties (my Guma's frens, my Guma is Junni's mom) who will be around during this time to help Ning the administrative-work-idiot go about getting the car, insurance etc etc.. better ask them soon...

less stress i guess..

Diva:

i've reached an all time low..

i'm broke, and had to borrow 300 dollars from my fren's mom. (well at least i sort of know her)

then today when i wanted to go book my driving est, i found out that i can't book it till 6 months from the date i got my Ls..

so the lastest i can get my license is next year in january, that is IF i actually pass.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh this sucks so much!

BLur_ning:

i'm so glad shwee could lend me money first, so now i can actually pay my rent and have some money in my wallet.

i found out that i can only take my lisence next year. whao that's going to be really rush.. is it possible to get a car wihtin a month of getting my lisence??

then again, if i were to take my test in nov, it will be during sowt vac. kinda stressful... and anyway, i'll get mroe practise.

this actually means i'm going back to singapore/KL oin december and i have to get back here by januray test date, which is around 11th.

this sucks, but at least i get to spend christmas with them. and practise more.

i better make sure i practise so much that i pass the test with flying colours..

i cna i will i must and i had better.

sista...

I just talked to my sister for long long long long long..

so happy...realli miss them..

Sunday, September 10, 2006

?@%$#

"girl we just got back form hong kong, will send to you tmr"

,.................... i thought i asked you to send to me since wednesday already... and i did say that it was urgent...

why do they always always disappoint me.. always alwasy always.. all of them! all 3 of them. in so many differnt ways.

sigh....

Money matters 2

shit i'm so freaking broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and my dad has yet to send me money..

haiz.. why are they always so slow...

then again, i was late to ask..

damn, i've held off my rent payment for 1 week already. i hoep they'll give me more time..

recently...

recently, i haven't been feeling the same...

as in, if there were 2 sides to a gemini, mine would consist of Blur_ning the angel, and Divadivine the evil one.

Blur_ning (left) is my usual self, mostly... blur, giving, paitent, kinda etc etc..

Diva (right) is my evil side, grumpy, revengeful, critical...

and recently, i feel that DIva has been taking over Blur_ning alot. i am not proud, and i never realised till a good fren told me.

but why am i behaving like this? no idea..

whatever it is, it has to change...

despite the horrible day i had today, i stil managed to go to 2 parties at once, eat great food, see good frens, and my driving today was splendid!!!!!!! i drove on the freeway at 100km/hr and my instructor NOT ONCE did he had to take over the wheel..

but i still need to practise changing lanes properly..

Saturday, September 09, 2006

heee

i feel pretty, oh so pretty and happy and pretty.... but my arms look fat.. ehhhh Whatever!

Friday, September 08, 2006

memories...

i feel oddly alone... not that i hate it, but it's not that i like it either.

really should be doing work.. but i cant help but think of stuff..

had good talk with my fren today, we were talking about how in first year, you hate mebourne, and you feel that the only reason u are here is to study and after that, you are so gone.. back to singapore. then in 2nd year, you think, yeah,, maybe i'll stay, maybe i wont, maybe i'll work here for a while. then in third year now, both of us are actaully thinking of staying... if possible.

much has chnaged since first year, frens, family, frens back home, houses, pets, dressing, spending power, social parties etc etc.. my life is so much more happening and happy now. But whenever i think of the past, i feel this horrible Pain... the loniless, the misery. perhaps the reason why i dont like to feel alone is coz it brings back all the pain in the past. although i dont feel so much of this pain anymore, it still haunts me sometimes.

but life was not all misery then, i had some really really good frens whom i am sad to say, had drifted apart a little. but the good thing is, i can't help but feel that there's this mutual understanding whenever we meet up. kinda like, there's no need to talk often, coz when we do talk, it'll feel like it was just yesterday when we saw each other. =)

but we should meet up soon..

Thursday, September 07, 2006

randome mumblings...

crikey.. i'm sick again... damn... must get more rest. well it's pms plus not enough sleep. i've been eating tonnes lately.. couldn't stop snakcing on chips or timtams and i dotn like to snack on chips normally.

my driving was good today. nearly rammed a car on my right when i didn't look and tried to swtich lanes but that's okie. (-120 dollars for 2 lessons)

before that i was at melb central altering some pants and OMG it cost me a BOMB. 51 dollars just for 3 pants. that's it! i'm buying a sewing machine and charging ppl 10 for altering their pants. man, they could make a forunte out of this. did you just say the overlocker? it can't alter all pants...

learnt how to suture mroe stuff today hurray!! and Neko finally learned how to put her paw up when i say "paw" heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee so proud of her!

i started this whole book of saving thing. writing down my accoutn balance and what i spend on. hopefully it'll help me keep track of my spending. also, decided to save all my coins from now on. hahahhahahahhahahhaha.......................

save money save money save money

drive drive drive....

stud study study and get my f***ing assigments done asap so that id ont have to bother rushing the deadline for them.

kk, better rest now..

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Money matters

my bank account has hit a record low of 900+ dollars. i've had lower before.. around 200 maybe.

sigh.. i tried calling my parenst so many times but they didn't answer their phones. i know they love me. especially my dad. only problem, i dont understand why they don't call. well actually i do. my mom procastinates and my dad sleeps too early coz of beer and work.

it's time to start saving up. and telling my dad to send me more money... my bank account in sigapore is also dwindlinglike crazy coz i dont take poket money from them when i go home to singapore. there s no need to. i'm on holiday.

i have this bad habit of saying "yes i have money" when i dont. then ask for it desperately when i'm broke and need to pay rent. it's a good and bad thing i guess.. but righ tnow my rent is overdue by 3 days and i'm broke...

damn... gotta start a plan to start saving up... my driving lessons are really costing me alot..

Monday, September 04, 2006

death

Steve Irwin the croc hunter just died!!!! it's so sad... my vet frens and junni and i are so sad.. i mean.. i know ppl laughed at him (including my grandpa) but i laughted WITH him and i totally respect his ABSOLUTE LOVE AND PASSION for animals. especially wildlife.

i never skip channels when his show was on on animal planet. even my brother would watch along. (coz normally i would browse btw animal planet, national geographic and discovery. i dont have MTV you see...)

he will clearly be missed.....

at last i can breatheeeeeeeee

Miss uni is over, path test is over. and for now, i can relax and breatheeeee.. i cooked good dinner today, cleaned the house, including Neko. yeah, i made her take a bath, and pampered myself in the shower with chocolate body scrub and cinamon shower jel. i even cleaned the soap-scumb infested shower area and the toilet floor..

feels sooooooooo good even though i'm tired. i have been wanting to do all these for soooo lone, i just didn't have the time to. it's either dance or school work. but now that freaking miss uni is over, i can breathe and do stuff at a more managable pace.

seriously. miss uni is a BIG JOKE to me. the organizers were CRAP. they didn't know what they were doing and how they were going to do it until thaat week itself. and there they were on thursday, fucking irritating the shit out me, demanding to know thsi and that and refusing to listen to me. i was trying so hard to tell them when and where we will be dancing and stuff and this fucking guy called Ken (Barbie is scarred for life) refused to speak to me directly. there he was talking to big blur blur Tom (but nice i have to say) about flaredance and stuff and i told him that i could understand cantonese. he turned to me and said "no, i'll just tell him to tell you" int he most Rude and Broken english you cna ever imagine. anywayz, i'll fast forward to saturday, the day before the actually peagent say itself. and the contestants didn't know what they were doing either. they didn't knwo what and how and where they were going, walking and talking about.

the last straw came when tom asked ness "Vanessa, when the contestants are dancing, what are the companions going to do?"

HUH? number 1, you didn't tell us that there were going to be campanions, number 2, why the hell are you asking us? YOU re the organiser!!! OMG...

"huh? erm, (suggestions sugestions)" went ness.

"oh okie, can you be in charge" FUCK... ness was smart to push this stupid responsibility back to them. i mean, come on!!!!!!!!!!

even when i was teaching the contestants steps, it was a big headache coz half the class would be at least 1/2 hour late and when i gave them a break so that they could practise ont ehri own. they were huddle to a corner and talk and laugh loudly about something else liek dresses and stuff... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

okie, there were a few girls who were really hard working and deserving (and they did win) i gave them "personal training". but most of them just sucked, it's okei to suck at dancing, i understand. but just had that sucky attitude. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i went up to this girl who clearly wasn't getting any steps right and gave her "private tuition" but she refused to just follow and learn on the spot with me. i dunnow what the hell she's thinking when she joined this ocmpetetion.

oke okie, enough of the meannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn stuff..

i though, flare did a FANTASTIC performance last night at the show. in fact i thought we clearly outshone the contestants. dancing and some looks wise. ahhaha.. singing wise, the lady singer was fantastic. she clearly outshone the contestants who sanga s their 'talent'

and i felt soooooooooo pretty in that ballerina toga and skirt suit. whao i haven't danced ballet in ages... the smokey effect the organisers palced was perhaps the smartest move i have seen form them. it made our dance so fairy tale-like and magical.

i am filled with much regret that i didn't continue my ballet. i was young and i clearly didn't have the discipline to go to classes every week when my mom couldn't fetch me. and the place was pretty far as well. well, then again, maybe if i hadn't stopped ballet, i wouldn't have taken up chinese dance and hence follow suit to mordern, contemp, jass and hip hop.

about the test today. it was better than i expected. i dont expect to pass. but at least i know i tried and i know i wont get a big ZERO. (like my path online test) i could even asnswer a few questions!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

f this

excuse the language, i've been watching sex and the city alot and they swear alot..

sigh.. i;m tired, nothing is going in, i'm falling ill and i am clearly finding all excuses to sleep now.

and i have to. i dont care about the tiredness and nothing going in bit coz zi knoe some stuff will go in eventually.

but i really dont wanan fall ill.. phlegme(is that how u spell it?) is accumulating in my throat and my lungs feel "cold"

sighhhhhhhhhhh the test is 5%. it's a lot considering i passed this subject with 53%..

i keep consoling myself that it's okie, i can catch up next test.

but i promised myself that i wouldn't do this like i did in last semester. and i dont like breaking my own promises...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh forget it. fuck this... i'm work harder tmr when i'm feeling better.