safety

"When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes, you don't leap at all cause there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there is no safety net."

huh? that's it?

OMG... my week end is just GONE like that... no work done, no shopping, no relaxing.. sigh...

i so wanted to shop for some sports stuff on saturday.i really need some new sports wear. underwear for that matter... but i was down at bud and jo's place doing hoodies. it's okie i can always shop "on my way back home from school" hahahhaa.. reliefs much stress. but no work done?? sigh..

i often hear people in flare going how they can't do gigs/events/production coz they have alot of work to go. sigh... it just makes me feel so guilty. i have motherlode alot of things to do too.. why do i still put myself in this stressful situation? well, simple, i can't bear to give up the fun and satisfaction of performing. i keep concsoling myself.."it's only this week, it's only this week," but it ends up being every week.

although nothing beats the satisfied feeling i get.. i really should start to leave weekends to my work. then again. its only this weekend that we had to go hoodies and hence kept me away from my work. there i go agin.. "this week only"

must wokr harder.. i have path test nect monday whoch means i have to study now coz i have a gig next weekend. fuck.. so screwed.. path is my worst subject and it's a 10 % or more test i think.. must study....

unfortunately, i spend the rest of my short afternoon today re-settling the costume catologe for flare. and it angers me to think of how some people refuse to retrn costumes. i do know some of these people.. but how am i to ask them? i really dont mind and the committe wouldn't mind too if they requested to keep the costume/props coz of sentimental value but to steal them is dispicable. and i had to keep my window open when i was doing the re-counting of evrything coz the costumes stank liek crazy. even Neko wouldnt go near them.

on a happier note, my driving instructor promised me that i will get my lisence by the end of this year. coz i told him of how worried i was... =) and he said that i made tremendous improvement in my turning. though there was an instant when i overtunred and nearly hit the car parked near the turn. hahaha.. had a slight heart attack there.

oh. and let me introduce....
Femi (meaning, "love me", an African name) the elephant,
Tallulah(which means "leaping water" in Choctaw Indian) the bear(i suppose she's a grizzly bear) ,
Kiah(means, "from the beautiful place" in Australian aboriginal language) the piggy and of course,
Neko the naughty cat who tried to squeeze out of the glass window today. gave me and ni a heart attack.

bored

take that Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! now there's Macracantharhynchus hirudinaeous! found in th pig small intestine.

it's larger than Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. it's 15cm long! it has a proboscis embedded in the gut wall ans a PPP of 2-3months.

hehe, bored.... need to do something other than study worms..

Your dating personality profile: Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Funny - You laugh often. People never accuse you of lacking a sense of humor. You don't take yourself too seriously.

Your date match profile: Outgoing - Shy and timid people are not who you are after. You need someone with a vibrant personality to breathe life into a relationship. Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Big-Hearted 2. Liberal 3. Funny 4. Athletic 5. Practical 6. Romantic 7. Outgoing 8. Sensual 9. Wealthy/Ambitious 10. Adventurous

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Outgoing 2. Funny 3. Practical 4. Athletic 5. Big-Hearted 6. Adventurous 7. Conservative 8. Romantic 9. Intellectual 10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

driving 102

Sigh.. i didn't progress as much as i wanted today. was so unsure of what speed i was going and whether i was keeping the car on the road. i really need a whole lot more practise if i am to pass and drive by next year.

i shall do mondays now in addition to wednesdays and saturdays. i really must get this driving thing right..

today, i had an exceptionally high numbers of drivers honking at me or signalling at me to get out of their way. .... like.. can't they just be more patient? Like ello.. it was on a 20km/hour or 40km/hour speed limit road at a residential area. and i was driving at 20-30kn/hour. okie i know, i'm pretty slow on the turns but would you rather me be slow or jamm brake then let you ram my car at my back?

geee.. last week's lesson was fun and exciting. today's was crap. perhaps coz i didn't progress as much.. i dunnoe.. i better start taking mroe lessons... after all, this is only my 3rd one. i find it hard to keep my car straight on the road, look at the speed metre, and look at cars aroudn me at the same time..

must must must must driveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee more PRACTICE!

Nightmares....

Ahhhh.. my tummy aches.. too much meat… no jel, I’m not acting.. I think I was just tooooooooooo hungry at dinner I gobbled down my food too fast and ate too many dumplings. All that meat is protesting in my stomach. Or rather, my body has learnt not to like meat so much.. hmmm better eat more fruits.. I need them anyway. I’ve been sick for 1.5 months! Not funny!!!!!! I should really try to take better care of myself.

Oh... I had nightmares last night when I slept. And it was freaky..

First I dreamt that I was a ghost… I was flying, and had long black hair and white long flowy robes. Fortunately I was a “good” ghost. I was a fren of this girl of the house, and when her evil relatives wanted to take the furniture and sell the house to leave the girl alone, I shouted “NO” really loudly and flew up to sit on top of a cupboard. The dream ended like that.

The next dream, I was running around this sch with 2 frens I know and I wont mention the names coz it’s a freaky dream. We were running around this sch palying games at stations. After the games ended, said that we ought to help clean the place up. So I agreeded. So xxxx and xxxx and I took pails and cloths to clean the sch up. And guess what mess it was… BLOOD. Blood splatters all over the corridors, the walls, the doors, the hand rails of staircases. But there was one consolation to this freaky dream. I dreamt that this really good looking guy asked me out. Ahahhahahha.. I still remember his face… but it’s nobody I know. But the down side? I said “no” again in the dream…

Wierddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

To add to all this weirdness this week… Neko was meowing to no one last night outside my room. She never does that… hmmm…. And also, I was cooking the other day at the kitchen when I suddenly had this incredibly great feeling of dejavu. I remember dreaming of this very moment last year when I was living at college square.. ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! Freaky!!!!! The carrots, the broccoli, the exact same ‘dish’ that I was about to cook. Plus the fact that I forgot to cook the rice!

Actually these moments are pretty frequent in my life… not being BHB (buay yao bai)but sometimes I think I do have a little of this 6th sense thing.. ehhhhhhhhhhhh thank goodness not too much lah ah…

Open day!

Open day gig was FANTASTIC. I just felt such a great sense of achievement after it. Though I was extremely tired…

For one, I knew a lot of routines, and even though I didn’t know some, I could groove along with it. I don’t wanna sound big headed but I really feel that my dancing has improved since last year. Thanks to the videos I keep watching. Hohoho…

And also, we had so so so so so much fun just grooving together and even free styled with some other dance crew. Forgot what their name was. Well the guys freestyled… the girls.. heehee.. we didn’t do much. But it was just so fun..

Also.. whao… seeing SOS was so…. I dunnoe, could have melted my heart. Like grace said.. kinda like.. “the new generation….” And to think that they learnt this routine in ONE WEEK! Fantastic!

Too bad we didn’t get to dance gasoline properly, well we didn’t egt much practice anyway. And the teaching on the spot thing was kinda embarrassing… especially for me… I dunnoe… what will other people be thinking? Especially if they cannot dance, or know how to dance very very well???

Anyway, photos for that later… now I need to update my photos.. hohoho..

Here’s CMG’s karma. Whao, karma was fantastic. They really pulled it off. I was so so so nervous when they were performing; so scared that they would make a mistake. But they didn’t, it was perfect. Well almost.. ahha. Here they are..

Oh and this is shakedown.. hahahahha check out the freezes….

whao, after all that dancing, i was still so engergetic. i had to play soft music to calm myself down to study.. sigh.. i really lobe moulin rouge... phantom of the opera... joss stone.. jazz... jazz is good.. really gets to my heart ina different way...

i must be more competent

i'm not proud for leaving school on tuesday after class, without waving goodbye to my vet frens. but i wasn't in a mood to listen to anyone.

there was actually an online test for pharmacology, and i had NO FREAKING IDEA ABOUT IT. yes, i got a big ZERO for that...

"..... put answers up on the web for the online test..." said Dr Taylor

"HUH??" me as usual.. "was there an online test?" i began asking everyone.

and everyone gave me that same look .. 'yes, didn't you know?'

no i dont... ah fuck.. i was so pissed. the thought on my mind was.. WHY DIDN"T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT IT? then i thought.. NO.. I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF.

i didn't leave the building without saying goodbyes coz i was upset that they didn't tell me or reminded me about the test. in fact, it's not their responsibility to remind me or tell me about the test, it's not their fault that they didn't tell me or don't wanna tell me or forgot to tell about the test. it was all ME ME ME.. i left the building like that coz i was FUCKING ANGRY WITH MYSELF.

WHY CAN'T I FREAKING BE MORE ATTENTIVE IN CLASS???

yes i know, it's only 1%. but the point is, WHY DIDN'T I KNOW? WHY DIDN'T I HAVE A CLUE ABOUT IT? HOW CAN I NOT KNOW?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh must be more competent..

VET IS NOT A NORMAL COURSE... i must be mroe competent, more competent, more competent, more.... like them.

thank you everyone!!!

OMGoodness... the shock of my life.. i'm still recovering from shock!!!

"happy birthday..." sang everyone as grace poped out of a corner with a cake.

so i joined in.. "oh.. happy brithday... HUH??????"

it was for me............................. this is the 3rd celebration i had wiht flare so far!!!! ohhhhhhhh i feel like the luckist person on this earth!!!

muacks!!!!

no wonder.. junni told me to dress nicer when i wanted to go there in jeans, no wonder sherleen was talking so much in the car and on the way.(yes girl, you talk alot when u are nervous!) no wonder sher went to find her "walllet" (i was like.. since when she lost her wallet??? she's so meticulous... how can she lose it?? no wonder am called to sya the drivers will be "late". (like huh? we never bothered who was going to be late when meeting in a big grp coz everyone will be late eventually..) no wonder the car ride to the restaurant took so longggggggggg.. ness was driving at 50kmperhour and took long long turns. and xiaoyun just HAD to go withdraw money before we go off. no wonder Ni knew about how kel was going to call me before i was allowed to come out of the toilet. like huh? how did she know? hmmm.. no wonder no wonder..

heehee.. thank you everyone!!! i LOVE the candlesss and the softtoys!!! and i'm sure neko will ove it too! (she crawled into the basket just now to lie down for a while then jumped off when i picked th ebasket up)

thank you everyone!!! MUACKS!!!

oh... and how could i forget the cartoon drawing of me and everyone who signed it???? it;s just so lovely... it's going up on my wall, and it wont come down for a LONGGGGG time,,

revenge of the goth backsides...

i thought this picture was cool.. the "too cool for school" faces and the black clothing.. except for the laundry hanging there at the corner... ahha

Now this is NICE!! little Neko and tall Ni.. so so so so cute and at this angle.. kinda look artistic eh?

AHahhahaha that's me.. (DUH.. or more like.. loser loser, double loser, as if, whatever, get the picture, DUH) looks cool man... but Neko just blended in wiht my black dress...

stress factor

stressedd by so many things i cannot say...

why do i always find myself in the middle of situations???

GOTH

yes sorry, into the whole photo thing suddenly.. ahahha..

anywayz, here's a pic of me and ni in GOTH ...

i guess goth says alot about me... defensive(a very bad habit of mine i know..) love to act strong, mysterious, cool.. hehehehehhehe.....

i've always loved goth, but ni made me love it more, coz both of us can dress like this and i wont feel so odd dressing alone like this.

speaking of which, dont u think Neko soooooooooooooo suits goth too?? (ahhahahha) here are some pics of her..

See la.. how to study????

and this is my family here... introducing my spastic cousins..(backsides)

Ahahahhaa.. thsi blackmail photo isn't too bad.. i have really bad ones else where...

graduation...

COngrats to the grads!!! jel, ginnie, cindy(sorry dont have photo yet), and kel(a bit late ah..)





Oops… here’s the real pic..


congrates guys!!! heehee

it's only the 3rd week of school

OMG... i'm sitting in my sch com lab, printing some stuff and when i realised the printer was bust printing past exam papers.

like ELO???????? it's the fucking 3rd week of sch???

OMG with these sort of people in my class, how can i not be stressed?????

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Performing... a showcase of talent!!

later.. i'm really tired.. sleepzzzzzzzzzz

okie... our gig just now was fantastic. the crowd wasn't so pumped up but i know they enjoyed it. after all, they were in skirts and suits! and i didnt make any obvious big mistakes!! i really love to perform, the feeling that you are the centre of attraction, the one entertaining th audience, pumping them up, mking them scream and cheer, emjoy or envy. whao the feeling is just amazing. it just makes all these late nights in the dance studio all worth while...

hahah, at the end of the show, we were about to leave when we noticed a "fren" of ours. this guy called johnathon is now teaching hip-hop and salsa to people who sign up at union house shor courses. man,,, i dont understand why people can be conned to be taught byt his dorgy guy, who was.. suprise suprise, in flare last year. pasy us, flare to learn for only 10 dollars!!! man.. those ppl got conned, so so so so conned, but tonight, we definitely showed him how the crunked/flarians do their thang!

p/s: my pimples are getting very very very very bad... but i'm prepared to live with it... sigh... feel so ugly...

pimples...........

Yes i know i shouldn't say these things coz they are unhappy and contridict what i said in the last blog but....

i looked at my face today and OMG... more pimples on my forehead, and CHEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

i'm going to give lancome 2 mroe weeks, coz it really feels good on my skin, no redness, no stingy feeling etc. then i'm going to the dermatologist....

it's okie.. it's okie ning... calm, calm, it's just your skin, on your face... it's okie, dont let that affect you, you're still ning, the same ning inside...

always look on the bright side of life... *whistle whistle...

recently, i've been very down coz some things in my life are just NOT going the way i want it to be. but i thought it over... i really shouldn't be so unhappy and grumpy about these trivial things anymore.

it started when i got frustrated when all my vet frens didn't wanna eat lunch with me coz they already had theirs in class, or coz they had something so do. my goodness, i actually threw a small tantrum. then later on, i felt so tired i went home and skipped my prac.

instead of heading striaght home i went to dangerfield and bought some nice stuff. (heeeee) while i was walking and shopping, i thought to myself... why bother about these silly things? these small matters? why torture myself when i dwell in this samll things that make me unhappy and hence the people around me unhappy/worried/annoyed too? it's really s simple matter...

if they dont wanna eat with me, i'll eat by meself and enjoy my own company once in a while, and besides, they had impt stuff to do,t hey didn't wanna leave me alone for no good reason.

why bother about what your mom said last ngiht? it's just a passing comment, she's just curious, you're not ugly or unwanted or anything. and to hell with the pimples on your head and your hair that is getting frizzier and frizzier! so be it! people on the streets can look at me and laugh and i'll laugh back at them! for i'm the one who is happy and carefree.

i shall not be sad over my studies anymore, what i can do, i do, nd i do it well, i will nto waste time surfing the net on silly things now, it's time to be serious and attend lectures proper. i shall nto brood over stuff and i will not procrastinate any more things! and i will learn to say not to some outings! i must resist and do my work when the need is dire.

i came home, danced, cooked dinner, washed clothes and did all the things i had to do, checking off stuff to do, one by one on my to-do-list.

it feels good.... =) i've never been this happy mentally, for a long time...

that qns.. again...

whao.. just came back from camp.. it was so fun and cold and tiring.. but it was so sos os so fun.

okie, i'll talk about camp later...

my mom just called.. and she asked me the wierdest qns ever.. "so, any boyfrens?" of course i replied no... and asked her why she wanted to know.... "hmmmm, coz i dont understand how some girls can get picked up so easily but not u"

okie.. sigh, i found it funny but sad at the same time... it's really funny for her to ask me such a qns... i mean, please dont tell me she's worried??? this is not the first time she's asked that qns since my last bf or any news of my dating etc etc, the last time she asked me, i actually had to tell her that i wasn't lesbian.

sleepy.......................................

happy happy happy

the PMS has not ceased... must find happy things to talk about and remind myself about...

yesterday, at werribee during my clinical lesson, i learnt how to scrub myself!!! okie not very happy sounding, but it is exciting for me, bascially srucbbing means, to prepare for surgery! and also, i learnt how to stitch!!!! so exciting!!!! i love this sort of stuff... more practical...

erm... my first driving lesson is on monday!!!! can't wait, but at the same time i'm scared.... i will make thru it!!

hmm oh,,, camp!! is tmr!! yeah!!!!

what's the big deal anyway?

i just realise that i've been making a fuss over my appearance, aka, the pimples on my face. i know it's not that bad, it's mainly on the forehead. i know a lot of other ppl in the world have worse ance problems and there are definitely better things to worry about than my pimples.

but seriously, i dont want to compare myself to other people, i wanna compare my skin now, with my skin last time,a nd my skin last time was 10 times better than this. okie, i'm not going to be sad all over it coz it's no use.

but i would like to comment how shallow i find this world can be. i dont mean to boast, btu i;m not very good with my GP(general paper, aka, english, where we write essays) unless i feel emotionally strong for something. and i do feel damn emotionally strong about this beauty issue and i wrote quite a few good essays on this...

what i mean to say is that, to hell with all that phrases and stories and what your parents tell u etc etc, looks DO matter in this superficial world. think about all those times a guy/girl became not interested coz he/she found some other more good looking person.(i have a story on this, broke my heart up-side down. no, i wasn't heart broken about him, i was hard broken with the world and whole shallow thing) think about the time u dressed up and got extra sugar on your donut, or smiled sweetly and the bar-tender attended to you first. or when u first started to wear contact lenses and noticed that more ppl noticed you? see what i mean?

i've read quite a few articles on this issue, i've seen complete make-overs on tv, and it's for certain that the world is shallow on first sight. to let them see your inner beauty means that they have to be first interested in geting to know u. and how do they decide if they want to get to know u better? if they think u're beautiful.

there was this girl in taiwan or korea, i can;t remember, but anywayz, she had the typical buck teeth, droopy eye look and was constantly teased in school. then her father got drunk, gambled, went to great great debt and she had to quit school and prostituite to pay their bills. even as a cheap pros, no one wanted her, some of her clients even told her how ugly and horrible she was and refused to take her. she was so so hurt. then she won this gameshow, kinda like "the swan" where they gave her a complete free make over, plastic surgery etc and now she's so much more beautiful. she had mroe attnetion and all that. but she told the magazine how hurt she was when she asked her current bf, if he would still marry her if she looked thaht how she was in the past. the straight answer was no.

hmmm, why does the world like beautiful ppl more? simple coz they are more healthy and potentionally produce better offspring? yes, accordind to the book i lend grace. i really think this whole beautiful this is based on sex. sex sex sex and nothing else. well at least majority of it.

oh yes i know, "who want to be frenz with the idoits who judge us this way anyway?" well, sometimes, it's not the frenship that you want, it's the business thing, the presentability of the person, the job, the. you know. there are really some things in this world that depend on your looks, movie stars, models, even relationships!

it doesn't help that all children's stories, esp ones for girls, are about princesses born beautiful and rich and marry and live happily ever after. girls like us, whom are not perfect like the princesses in the books, grow up slowing realising that they are not beautiful, and that NOT EVERYONE is born beautiful.

and for this reason, i'm super-conscious of how i look. it doesn't matter where i go. i know people are judging. i cannot help think of what people will be thinking when they see me. i can't help it, it wont stop till i go to this "middle age" era, where adults dont care about what people think. (that's where you get aunties and uncles whom we call.. or-biang) and that's why i esp HATE people who want to get to know me coz they think i'm pretty. or even worse, refuse to get to know me coz they think i'm ugly.

life is tough, perhaps that's why we were surrounded by beautiful things when we were kids, that princeeses were all pretty etc etc, coz our parents wanted to protect us from this harsh reality. i appreciate that really, but sometimes i wish i got to know about it in a less harsh way. u know what i mean...

on a more cheerful note, inner beauty really counts. it doesn't matter how good looking someone is, if they do something horrible, they'll look like shit to me. but if i know them to be nice, warm, frenly, kind, suddenly they look so beautiful to me, inside-out.

ahhh this is so fun!!!

found this site where i can make my dolls!!!!!!

here's my first mermaid... and her name is aquanta, for her hair is as blue as the deepesy oceans....

the wind in my face, but i turn away.

i jsut saw my face in the sunlight and it looked terrible... clearly clinique is not working, in fact it's irritating my skin even more...

i feel terrible, i feel horrible, i feel ugly and my self-esteem is definitely plunging.i cannot face the wind anymore when i walk, for fear that it parts my hair and exposes the horrible scars and ance on my forhead. i dont even feel motivated to buy nice new jackets, i just didn't have the mood.

am i like going through another puberty????

i feel like changing to something else but i know it'll just mke it worse! i want to try natural home-made face soaps.. i just found some last night.. but i have to go out and buy them now coz i dont have some of the ingredients..

clear skin....... i use to have it... that's it.. i'll see a dermatologist..