life is not fair

life is not fair.. seriously.

after giving him all the scoldings the 30 seconds permitted me to do so, i dont feel good still. that mother fucker has caused me to feel sooooooo angry and frustrated for at least half of today and all he got off with was 30 seconds of scolding.

life realli isn't fair. well, yeah he got his car buang(malay for bang i think) but he prob has so much money to fix it it doesn't matter to him anyway.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

short skinny bastard

the bmw driver is a short skinny bastard. that fucking idiot.

"it's my first time parking here"

"it's my fren's car"

"i said i'm sorry"

mtoher fucker ifyour fucking realli sorry dont fucking park here again. which u have fucking done for the past fucking year. mother fucker.

that big bang with headlights gone is your well deserved karma!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

fucking bmw 2!

that stupid bmw is there again. after countless warnings from me and the conceriges, he's there again.

omgoodness. is he stupid oo what? doesn't he understand the sentence "i need this parking lot permanently now"???

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i soooooooooooooo want to go up to the 6th floor and bang down his door. but it looks like somebody got there first.

there on the left front corner of his car is a indented side with green marks. HAHAHAHAHAHA.. he got his karma.

then again he's prob sp rich it doens't bother him.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i feel like camping beside the car waiting for him to come then attack him vicously!

bloody mother fucker!

my blue monster (the other baby)

this is a pic of my other baby.. hohoho... neko will be so jealous! this picture was taken at my vet sch carpark. yup, behind me is the field where the horses/cows roam.

i wanna play sims2

after playing game of life last night, i thought it was such a good idea to make my own game of life.


after about 4 or 5 pages of "things that are encountered" in my own game of life associated with uni and flare life, i felt like.. hmm... i think what i realli want is to play sims.


sims2 is my escapism man.. where all my silly, impossible dreams come alive. where everything can be controled by my mouse and a few cheat codes. where i can control myself better too.


hmm.. kind of think about it, this computer is screwing up. soooooooooo.. justifiable to get a new one. HAHAHAHHAA.. i must save money.. save save save money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


go go go ning!

too kind

my mum keeps telling me that i am too kind. i let ppl take advantage of me, of my finances, my things, my time etc.

i know, i know..

i dont want them too,. but sometimes, i cannot be bothered coz i dont like these feelings of hate, calculation and slyness.

and i feel that when i am unlike them like that, i am above them.

but i lose still.

firefox works

OMGoodness!! i have not whined in FOREVER! but thanks to firefox, i can access it now. dunnoe what was wrong with my explorer...


Getting my car was so fun. i have yet to even take a picture with it. But somehow i feel that everytime i go out, i am endangering my life. I am after all a P.


I told my fren how i felt that the leach of the car driving population in melbourne. I am dependent on the other drivers being safe for my own safety. kinda like herd immunity in animal management. (where the population is largely immune to a disease coz most of the populatiion is vaccinated/immunised) in this case, i was like th eunvaccinated bunch.


but so far so good. Thank goodness!


i'm begining to get use to driving for 30 mins each day to sch. it's getting fun! and it somehows wakes me up for class later. unless of course the teacher is SUPER Boring then i can't help but sleep.


this years' chinese new year has been by far the saddest. but somehow i made it thru. without tears. partly coz my mom is coming, partly coz i have so many dinners and gatehring with frens and ni is back.


but yesterday's drive home from weribee was horrible. my frens and i went to my vetf ren's place in point cook (not far from weriibee) for steam boat gatehring. OMGoodness.. it was all dark, there were no lights nothing, and it was bloodly raining. i couldn't see a damn thing and it doesn't help that my navigator had no idea where we were going. i yelled at her a few times and i twas very mean of me but i was completely stressed out. 5 lives are in my hands and i couldn't see a dman thing ont he road. i had this incredible urge to stop and look at the map myself but she sounded upset and it was dangerous to stop at some place full of nothing but grass. I told myself yesterdya when i made it back home alive, that i am never going to stay there. it's isolated and i'm uncomfortable in such secluded locations. the drive to weribee everyday to sch is a price to pay for satyign close to flare frens and family.


dawn and i skipped a sheep prac today coz we were lazy. and there's a stupid wuizz tmr about microchipping. after we take that we're suppose to get a cert that entitles us to be official microchippers. hahahah i better not fail.


i heard the sad news from ni that shar's oreo died from stress today, the lump from an infection and pus had build up. sad though i was, i was quite pleased with myself for actually correctly disgnosing it. (i thought it was either tumour of infection and it was the latter) rest in peace oreo!


mum is coming tmr. i cannot wait. yippee!!! but before that, tmr i will be doing the *stick ur arm up the cow's ass* thing finally. after so many ppl have asked if i've done it, i'm goign to say yes from tmr onwards. it's going to be exciting. though i am scared.. hope things turn out well..

exciting day!! x2

Yesterday, i finally finally got my car!! it was soooo... exciting, i was scared at the same time but i drove back from honda john blair to my apartment with am, in one piece! woohoo!!!


there were a few instances when i thought i was a traffic diaster coz i suddenly turned etc etc. but it went okie.


my car plate number is UPX779. not bad eh?? hahahaha


Then today was the first time i drove to sch with dawn sitting beside me! it took us about 40 mins coz i was driving at 80-90, not 100kmph. there were so many cars on the highway just overtaking me coz i was slow. ahhaha but i didn't care. it was either my safety or their convinience. and i chose the former.


i'm actually at my sch computer lab (and my fren just joined me) we are suppose to have our horse prac now but 1.5 hours into the 3hour prac, the itch on my neck became unbearable! i stopped to go to the toilet to maybe wash up abit to help it get better. then was horrified to see my face (upper lips and eyes) and my entire neck with red, extremely itchy rashes. i tried to clean up as much as i can but when i went back to the shed, i couldn't take it anymore. the very very very hot weather did not make things easy. so i told the teacher that i had to be excused and here i am. luckily the prac was quite easy.. so it was kinda alright to skip.


just now i also went for LIVE SURGERY! that's right, i did surgery on a LIVE ANIMAL! i freaked out last night when i realise that it was going to be a live animal and not a cadevar that is tudied extra hard! me, ning, revising last year and last last year's notes! it's a miracle!!!


i freaked out becoz i thought the animal was going to stil live after that, but i later found out that these dogs were "going to be out to sleep anyway" so i was mnore assured.


I volunteered to be the surgeon on my group. then when the dog came, awwwwwww it had no indication what so ever of why this dog had to be put down.. it was friendly, happy, exicted and kept wagging its tail. I looked at my fren and told her that i was "scared"(not scared of surgery, butscared that i will not be abole to deal with the guilt, even thought i know it's not my fault) i nearly teared but i hel dit back of course.


when the dog was anaesthetised, i went on with the surgery and cut out a segment of it's jejenum(intestine) then tiched it back together. The instructors tested my titches and it went well.. my wound did not leak at all (i got a mars bar for that, but alot of ppl did!)


then as i went off to clean up the instrument ste ctec.. i came back to find the happy dog dead. I felt so sad.. it was kinda the first time that i experienced death of an animal by choice, by choice of a human (it's previous owner), by euthanasia, by barbituate.


i felt happy that at least this dog did not die for nothing. he helped me learn some skills that i will need int he future for saving other dogs, cats, etc etc. but i really wished that he wasn't put down int he first plac.e other groups had dogs that were sick, lame, etc etc, but ours was perfectly healthy.


sighhhhhhhhhhhh

ah

i miss my gp. everyone here is more kaisu than the top student in singapore. seriously..

i dunnoe what's wrong with my blogger beta. it's either not working (webpage cannot load) or just wierdly arranged..


anyway.. this afternoon i couldn't pen this down on my blog but did it on word..


"Seriously, the bad luck never ends. Now my fren backed out. She says she’ll be jailed if I crash the car. Yeah I unders
tand her fears. But I cannot believe my bad luck.

Ah fuck this really sucks, I have to take train again…. My friend and I have worked out that we’ll take a cab to sch then take the train back.


Sigh………….. The truth is, I don’t wanna take the train anymore. I don’t wanna sit with dodgy people. I don’t wanna walk around with my heavy things!


People keep telling me to call the company and make noise. The truth is, I don’t want to have to do anything with them anymore. I don’t wanna talk to them, I don’t wanna nag at them, I don’t wanna contact them, I don’t wanna get a rejection/disappointment from them. I just wanna take my car and be done with them!


I hate my life!"


But after i cooled down.. i managed to convince myself that it;s only 3 days.. just 3 days.. com'on you can do it! i just the reason why i was so angry and upset initially was becoz i was just not preapred to take the train again. there's nothing to describe the ride via train but 'depressing'.


i tried to look on the brighter side.. i am getting a new car.. i just got an ipod sponsored by dad, i have cat to play with and cuddle and pet and tease. i am starting 3rd year. (aka did not retain/fail) i have frens who can give me rides to the train station and back from sch. (how very nice of them)


nvm.. ni is coming back on thursday/friday and my momis coming next next tuesday. yeah!!!


right now i'm at the stage where my mood cannot sink any lower. it's at it's lowest alreadi. from now on, anything bad happens is like a "whatever" to me. I'm going to concentrate on my studies and study harder and smarter.

misery is what i am made of

I am not kidding, i am a bad luck magnet. Anna Nicole smith could have died just becoz i pitied her.


my blogger didnt work for 2 days. it onli managed to start working and i dont know what the fucking problem is.


why? why am i soooooo unlucky? what? coz i dont realli believe in God? coz i am born on a 13th? coz of my name which doens't sound very nice and 'good' in cantonese?


i was whining everything in a cluttered mess in my other blog coz there are some things i realli would not want to say here. but heck i'm going to say it anyway.


Sigh right now.. it's friday night and i'm all alone, talking to my cat, watching dvds, walking around in my new pair of shoes from scooter (my onli consolation for today). eveyone is offline but me. why? coz everyone is out but me.


"why?" i asked myself. okie, i can try to be optimistic and say "you know, sometimes you could use some time alone, do things, sort things out, talk to your family, iron, wash clothes, vacuum, do mroe house chores, study when you can, listen to music, etc etc.." But usually(and especially at this low in my life/year), I just think, "you're a loser ning"


seriously, 22yo, alone on friday night, talking to your cat, watching dvds, flipping thru TV channels.. i think "why am i rotting my life away?" where are those fabulous parties/dates/bars/gatherings that a 22yo should be going to, should be invited to, should be asked out for, why am i not asked to go out to party/eat/hang??


I know it's okie for some people to stay home on a friday and saturday nights doing nothing, relaxing, watchign tv alone. but i cannot. It leaves me feeling that i have done nothing productive/fun, that i'm not living life to its fullest. Maybe i just have alot of energy. That's why i cannot sleep at night nowadays, if the energy is not used up, how can i sleep?


I'm sorry to all my friends who read my blog regularly. I know it's always sad. But please dont feel bad or anything. the last thing i want is for my frens to read my blog and be overly concerned. I'm fine. I just.. breakdown/meltdown very very often. I'm going thru a very unstable part of my life. If you really wanna help, just talk to me and hear me whine. it will help heeps.


okie, i have more sad stuff. today, i got the call from Honda, wednesday is the lastest i can get my car. but problem, my class ends at 5pm on wed and it's an Avian prac that i seriously do not want to skip. i only get that many chances of handleing birds and i'm not giving that up. so i asked for thursday instead. this means that i cna to rent a car shared with my fren, and drive to sch everyday form monday to thurs. That was the initial plan, then i found out very sadly that all the car rental people do not rent cars out to P drivers. which means i cannot rent the car. I was in dawn's place and nearly had another breakdown. "we're screwed!!!!!!!" i yelled. Then i thought of anyone who could borrow a car for us and let me drive it. thankfully Pris agreed, so did Am dear. Rani was 2nd on my list of people to ask actaully. but pris agreed. I cannot thank her enough, she practically saved my life.


I dont wanna sound like a brat, but the train ride to werribee is very depressing. It's long, 45mins. plus (the horrible part that is realli realy depressing) the fatc that i have to wlak for 20mins on grass from the train station to school. There is no pavement for pedestrians. sheesh with this sort of place, who expects anyone to not drive anwyay? Today i was feeling depressed adn upset after i got the news about my car that i absolutely had no mood for mroe lessons. Dawn didn;t mind going home too. so we both headed home at about 11.30am. sigh.. depressed depressed depressed is all what i think about when i think about this matter. That's why i refuse to take the train there. it's just damn depressing. i appreciate the fact that my frens who have cars offer me a ride to the train station but it's really depressing there. the dodgy people, the relatively slow train ride, the screaming kids. sigh


ahhhhhhhhhhhhh i am cursed, i am a bad luck magnet! I hate my life! My cousin told me to put my chin up, "getting a new car is something to be realli happy about.." yeah.. well, but I'm been struck down with just too many sad/bad/unlucky things. i have absolutely no mood for anything good anymore.


Another thing, i have no plans for tmr, which means nothing to look forward to. But it's cool.. i worked that out. i'll try going jogging at the park, i'll try reading and studying (i realli should if i want to keep up)


but the looming date i've never looked forward to in my entire life is coming, Valentine's day. yeah... I have to be honest. i hate that day. why? coz i associate that day with rejection, dissappiontment, loneliness, and desperation. "Rejection" coz more often than not, the person you like doesn not like you back and it's bloody obvious and revealed on that day. "dissappointment" becoz i found out that i dont have admirers, happy and sad at the same time. "loneliness" coz i chose it yet i hate it. "desperation" coz i dont wanna feel those things above but at the same time feel that if i confrom to the valentine's mood i am a desperadoe.


gettit gettit? yes my mind is COMPLEX. my values and ideas are jumbled up and contradict each other.


thank goodness my wed class ends at 5pm and by the time i get home, it's all dinner, work, sleep. no room for nothing. good.


i really hope things look up soon..

i did it

i stuck my hand down a cow's vagina. hahahaha.. to feel it's urethral opening.. soon i will progress to that 'thing' (*does that sticking ur hand into the rectum of the cow action)


i felt so sorry for the cows who were jabed here and there for students to practise on. but the teachers limited us to 2 'things to do, like jabbing/poking/puting hand up in' stuff per cow. so it was okie lah..


i even bled my 1st cow! i couldn't do it the other time with the bloody sheep. well coz the lecturer was bloody lousy and nasty.. not to mention unhelpful!


I'm really looking forward to my car.. it realli has to come soon. i feel bad for troubling my frens to drive me, coz they are moving house now, from the city to point cook (near weribee) so we wont be able to get a ride home tmr and on thursday. but at least we get a ride to school..


bad luck go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i spoke to my mum last night and i hate to admit it but i was on the verge of tears. i just felt so darn unlucky. did i mention that i have a very painful ulcer in my mouth that feels abnormal? i'm going to see a doctor tmr. anyway, she says that i am too kind. such that bad luck 'follows me around' i dunoe if this is true. after all, this is all superstition. but at this point of very very unlucky times of my starting semester, i want to believe in it. even if all it does is it makes me feel that bit better.


so i have to wear my gold stuff more often now.. i have to be more 'competent in life' now. i have to learn that life is not fair and it is a rat race. no one waits for anyone. i have to argue and push my way thru to my way of things. well i suppose this does not apply to all areas of my life, just some. the "adult living part".


anyway, at least one thing is looking a bit up., prac classes now are 10 times mroe interesting. at last we get to do something REAL. not stand around and watch. we DO. inject, probe, poke, insert, you name it. one consequnce, i am damn tired after pracs. especiallya fetr boring pracs.


car pls come soon. things are damn inconvenient now.. i am not looking forward to that train rdie home.

bad luck is attracted to me

when bad luck comes to me, it comes in the tonnes.


first, i couldn;t sleep last night. ended up sleeping for 4 hours before i had to wake up for sch.


then my fren and i waited for 45 mins for our fren who agreed to drive us to school to show up. she never picked up our calls, never answered our smses. when she finally turned up, it was 45 mins past the time she said for us to meet.


3rdly, she told us that she might be retaining so she doesn't want to go to prac in the afternoon so we have to find our own accomodation home.


4thly, i know she has a reputation of not keeping her word. so i asked her honestly if she could fetch us. tell us if she cannot and be honest coz then i can have time to find alternative transport. at first she avoided giving me a striaght answer, then she said "no she can't.. she has to give ????? in parksville" i thought this was very irresponsible fo her. I am not cruel, i have not forgotten the favour sh edid to me by agreeing to fetch me and my frent os ch everyday for 1 week. but thing is, she must understand that we are dependent on ehr to get to shc. if she cannot bring us to sch then tell us honestly. dont just say yes just to "strenghten the frenship" it just makes things worst.


then, no5, i called the car saleman ross. and found out that he fucking went on a holiday. when i paid the deposit, he said next week (which was last week) when i called last week, he said this week. then when i called this week, it's oh.. oops, "i'm not here" FUCK man. that is so irresponsible. I hate him! the representitive i talked to was ncie but i couldn't helped yelling at him. at one point he even went "i'm sorry i'm just the messnger, dont blame me" "yeah, you scold ross back for me then" i said. it's just so frustrating. "the car is now on the way, we'll get it for you on friday late afternoon" he said. this was the point when i felt hat if i hadn't yelled at them, i would prb get the car next year. i put the phoen down and yelled "KNN" damn loudly thru the hallway of my vet sch. well no one was around. i was so ont he verge of tears. i was just sooooooooooo angry and frustrated. they have no idea how much i need this car. it's a NEED, not so much of a WANT!


but at least my other 2 frens who are moving to werribee are still living in the city. they cna pick us for this week only. but it's very nice of them.


what a day to start the 1st day of sch. to top it off, my timetabel is 9-5 on mon and thurs and 8-5 on tues, wed, fri. i'm jinxed.. always have been..

sch starts in a few hours time

i realli should be sleeping now, but i couldn't get to sleep. maybe it's the very strong and nice green tea i drank at about 7pm. or maybe it's the fact that i'm just plain excited abotu 1st day of school (Sheep prac? yeah right..) or maybe the pain of the ulcer in mouth is killing me! or maybe i'm just excited about my car.


but anyway, i tossed and turned for 1.5 hours in bed and i couldn't sleep. science says that after 15mins of sleep and you still cannot sleep, go do something then tryt o sleep.. so i thought i'd bloged random stuff.


hmm.. last night i had a horrible dream. i dream that i was going to marry this married farmer guy from singaproe (puppy farm owner) ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.. i dunnoe why i keep dreaming of such horrible things. i had the exact same senario last year.. i dreamt that i was going to marry this other farmer in aus (The milk guy) ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.. please lah.. Brain, give me something nice can? like a prince? a rich guy? a handsome guy?


yesterday was realli fun. the park was amazingly big and spacious. it was soooooo nice to let the dogs off the lease and see them runa dn chase each toehr and play.. so fun! I think i also got to know pav a little mroe. tee hee...


yesterday i also realsied that in a few years time, we'll be bringing our babies to the park.. not just dogs..


gee time flies. it felt like yesterday when i just graduated form secondary school. today when i was shopping with dawn for t-shrits (btu ended up buying bras) i walked into the roxy stores feelign old. these were the kind of clothing i LOVEDD when i was a teen. but now i am an adult..


well at least my teen years were quite fulfilling.. now i must brace myself for proper adulthood. and school tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


apparently, 3rd year is not easier than the 2nd. and in fact it could be worse. ahhh why??? why do they love to torture us? coz we are the cream of the crop?? can't they just give us a break?


but no matter, i must study harder.. i think i've been studying smart enough. as in, i've always felt that i never studied hard, i just studied smart enough to know that is important and what the teachers want. now must work harder. no more slacking. i wanna become a good vet! not a lousy one!


so in order to work harder, i must not sleep in lecture! (snoreeeeeeeeeee) no! this means that i must sleep early!!


man.. should i even consider sleeping pills? ehh no lah, no good for my bodyt o become relient on it. okei okie.. better go sleep now. hopefully after wrting this out i can sleep now..


sleep!!!!

bored

Since I;m bored too..

1. Do you know where your sister is right now?
Nope.. singapore?

2. Last time you hugged someone?
Neko darling!

3. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
I'm a very people person.. I CANNOT be alone at home with NOthing to do. it makes me sad..

4. What color is your watch?
erm.. silver? orange? candy?

5.Do you like anyone?
My family, frens, the earth, pets etc etc..

6. Are you close to your mom?
which one?

7.Where do you work?
dont work.. but i study in sad sad weribee

8. What are you listening to right now?
nothing.. oh erm.. "do you think u can dance tv background music

9.what do you smell like?
cats? dung? antiseptic? depends on the time of the day and what prac i have..

10. What color are your pants/jeans?
no shorts on now.. oops..

11. Closest thing to your left?
handphone

12. What color is your bedroomflooring?
silver carpet

13. Do you have a chair in your room?
yeah, a blue NIKE chair from Ikea.

14. Time you were born?
8pm

15. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
nope..

16. What's your favorite number?
13

17. Do you know someone named Lori?
nope

18. What color is your mom's hair?
which one?

19. Do you have a dog?
i had one.. his name was noxx. he was a brown cocker spaniel.

20. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
"Kiss me honey honey kiss me, thrill me honey honeyl thrill me.." or "it was an itsy biny tiny winy yeloow poka dot bikini.."

21. When was the last time you went swimming?
cannot remember man..

22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
1/2 hour ago? online? to my brother

23. Did you ever go to a camp as a child?
yes.. was very excicted at first. then realised had to queue for toilet to shower.. not so happy anymore

24. Do you play an instrument?
use to play the piano. erm, and recorder?

25. Do you like fire?
on candles? yes!

26. Are you allergic to anything?
dust n sun and aloe vera

27. When was the last time you cried?
a few days ago i think..

29. Have you ever been to a spa?
nope

30. Did you take science all four years of high school?
yes, until now..

31. Do you like butterflies?
yeah, they're beautiful..

32??

33. What is one thing you miss about your past?
no such thing as feeling "empty"

34. Have you ever seen the school counselor?
nope

35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
yeah.. when i was like 3years old?

36. What is one thing you've learned about life?
it's not about myself. it's about my family and frens

37. Are you jealous of anyone?
aiyo.. so many...

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
eh.. apparently, some poeple like some parts of my body or face or skin..

39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
nope

40. What does your mom call you?
which one? haha okie okie.. one says darling, the other one says girl

41. What does your siblings call you?
ka-jie or sista

42. What does you hair look like right now?
dry and messy

43. Has a friend ever used you?
yes, i'm too kind

44. Has anyone recently told you that they like you?
nope

45. What have you eaten today?
sushi and teriyaki chicken

46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
crazy

47. What is your favorite movie?
erm... disney cartoons?

48. Who was the last person you drove with?
erm, dawn and the terrified car salesman on the test drive (coz i told him on the drive that it's my first time on a different car..)

49. What are you looking forward to?
my car!!!

50. How are you today?
good. bit tired

51. Who do you tag?
huh?

FYI

random newspaper cutting FYI


- to remove stains on collar and underarms cozed by perspiration, brush shampoo onto area with old toothbrush. OR squeeze some lemon juice onto the stain and let it sit for 1 hour. Rinse it with cols water before putting it into the washing machine with a little chlorine bleach.


-to remove red wine stains, rub salt onto stain and leave it in for 30mins before washing in cols water.


-to remove white wine stains, wash shirt in cold water or hot milk.


-to remove coffee stains, blot affected area with cold water immeditaely before washing shirt in cold water immeditaely. OR rub dishwashing liquid and rinse with cold water. If stain persists, aplly some white vinegar, then rinse with cold water.

even though

thought about some stuff today... and.. i know how recently i've been so frustrated over so many things.. i realised that i forget some.


like.. even though the car is late, at least i have a car..


even though sch starts so early (next week), at least i am in sch, progressing...


even though i find myself alone at home sometimes, at least i have Neko, my computer, frens online, frens offering me their hosue keys to go to their house to watch movies (although i know they are secretly hoping that i will clean their place up at the same time.)


even though my family is not here, even though they sometimes are too busy to talk, at least i know they really really really dote on me..


sometimes i just gotta cheer up. I realised i've been too sad for too long and for no good reason either.


then again sometimes i just feel like i wanna go into a mode of self pity and cry all the depressing hormones out in tears. (literally)


i must achieve a balance..