Neko darling

Ohhhhh i'm going to miss my darling so much..

look! she misses me too. she wants to go home with me in my luggage!

dunnoe why

I'm crying now.. I'm not sure why.. perhaps it's the sudden realization that everything is going to be fine.... =)

Big boy

He's my brother... comes straight from my mother... he's stronger than he thinks he is. let him know, let him know....

Sigh, i just spoke to my brother and i am so proud of him. he got a good 23+ score for PSLE. when i was in primary6, i only had 209. There was a certain difference to his voice. not only was it deeper, it was much more mature. i actually felt his disappointment (for his results. he expected higher) i felt the teenager in him. the grunting noises he made when he was answering my questions took my breath away.

he was no longer that small boy that tagged along every single game i played. from barbie dolls to catching. I no longer needed to hold his hand and watch out for steps and stuff and bad people for him when we went out. He no longer needs someone to pack his school bag for him (like i always do.) i will still prob need to nag at him (i've nagged at him since he was in primary 1) but he is that teenager now. he no longer needs me to take care of him as much as before. in fact, he'd prob be doing it back to me.

I feel... proud... Proud that this boy and i have pulled through so much family CRAP yet come to where we are. normal and happy and succeeding (so far..)

I remember crying to him as a child, telling him about the 'truth' about our family background (coz everything happened whe he was a baby) telling him who is his real mom, who takes care of him, who he should respect (all) etc etc..

thinking back, i dunoe if i have done the right thing to tell him that. i remember his face looked realli traumatised. but at that moment i just knew it was time. he was getting older and i didn't want him to be confused.

anywayz.. i have alot of shopping to do. i wanna buy cool clothes and bags for my brother. He's going to be in secondary school now. and i want the best for him.

shit i feel like a mother. well. i've always been the mother the house... looking after my 2 younger sisters steph and pearlyn, yan zhong my brother, my grandma, the maid... especeically when my parents are working overseas. i was the MAN of the house. but now my sister has that job. and i'm she's doing well too.

he may be a big boy now, but he's always my little brother.

OoooooooooOOOOOOOooooooooooooOOOO0oo

OH i LOVE this new blog skin... this is my ultimate fantasy when i was a kid....

to take off my slippers, dive into the sea and morph to a beautiful mermaid, then i wont be afraid of the scary things in the sea!

SUrfing.. right..

it was suppose to be the good day. but the weather was bad. it was cold and raining and not sunny at all..

it just killed my mood to try out surfing. plus the fact that it was freezing cold and wind blowing like no one's business plus the cold, plus my brusied leg, plus did i say cold?

hahahha well, next time then. i was glad i didnt' decide to surf. i went home and actually felt a little ill even though i just went to the sea wather with my legsssssss wet. not even the body. yes it was that cold!

aiyo.. but i study too much science man.. i LOVE the sea side, i LOVE sand on my feet.(not in my butt crack..) but i hate the creatures that might hurt you in the sea. esp when i read so much stuff about box jellyfish and sharks. but well...

next time, next time...

but i had a GREAT time with my vet frens. we got ot know each other closer! it was a good trip after all! thansk pris for oragnising it!

sleepzzzzzzzzz

relieff

holy moly.. it's over....................................

no more waking up in the middle of the night with panick attacks.
no more non-stop diarrhoea in the morning before my exams.
no more studying and cramping till 6am in the morning.
no more procastinating my housework, especially clearing the dustbin.
no more headaches, dizziness, sleepyness, tiredness.
no more of my heart beating so fast and hard it feels like it's going to pop out of my chest.

i'm not like woohooo.. more like OMGoodness i'm so glad its over...

can't wait

OMG... 7 exams DONE... only have a5 min oral exam left!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh freak!!!!!!! cannot wait fro all this shit to be over..

i wanna dance dance dance, music musci music, club lcub lcub, party party party, shop shop shop shop... most of all dance dance dance and hang out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and.. i really miss home..

Until my exams end..

until my exams end, i am banned from frenster and u-tube from now on.

i just wasted 1 hour of my times looking thru mroe pictures on frenster.

and yes, Singapore girls are really very SKINNY...

so are the singapore guys.. hahahahha...

it's okie, i'm cool.

ahhahahaha i dunnoe where i got this from but.. ahahahha

whineeeeeeeeeey ning

alright, i really should be studying for my KILLER exam on friday but for now, just let me WHINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..

first of all..

my exams ahhhh why do i still have them?? people are enjoying already!! why why why why why why why whyyyyyyyyyyy tell me why?? ain't nothing but a heartache... hahaha guess what, on monday when i went to safeway to shop for some grocceries, the firts song i heard when i entered the stall was that song! 'tell me why.. ain't nothing but a heartache.." and yes, that exact loine.. could stop smiling to myself for an hour. well at least it cheered me up from my horrible pharmacology paper.

anyway, back to the point.. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeehmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm musttttttttt stoppppppppppppppppp makinggg wierddddddd noisesssssssssssssss but must whineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..

it's okie, chill chill ning... it'll be alllllllll over. btw so many people. well atcually only 3, jel, joon and ness came over to do some stuff at my hosue and it was so good to see them after my loney studying for the past weeks. well of course ni was company, but now there's more company!

cheaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzz i can't wait to partieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2ndly.............................

just flipped or rather cliked.. there are no pages to flick ont eh internet.. but, just, i was randomly looking thruogh some picture of my singapore frenz and it just struck me again.. fuck i'm going to be the FAT GIRL back in singapore... i know i know, i'm NOT FAT. but face it, the singapore girls are MALNOURISHED THIN. it's like placing Scarlett Johansson beside Keira Knightley.. and of course i'm scarlett. Plus the fact that i'm not as pretty as her.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i shall have to prepare myself to endure 1 month of "oh chuanning, you've grown fatter!" Well usually my family eases the blow by telling me that i've grown prettier as well but PIFT.. will the other guys care???? they're just go "fat girl.. ekkk" BAH! then again, why should i care about what they(guys) think? that would totally go against my FEMALE PRIDE!

okie okie, shall stop thinking about weight issues now and freaking study! how i can even think of losing weight anyway? what weight is there for me to lose? my boobs?? NO WAY! i'll keep that thanks! but if i could take some off my calves, YES, then maybe i can finally wear my cousin's zip-up boots. right now my calves are too big(note i didn't say fat, they are not fat, they are muscular) for the boots. and how can i keep myself studying if i dont eat when i'm studying late into 6am in the night? that'll be like missing out on breakfast!

okie, whatever, dont care!!

3rd..........

worried worried worried for my exam on friday and monday and tuesday's oral exam. and yet here i am blogging! shiteeeeesssssssssss

4th.......................

cannot wait to party!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhh... when will my heart stop jumping everytime i think of my *THUMP there's it goes again. what i mean is my exam results...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

WHAO>> it's good to let things OUT!

CRAP

it's 4am and i have AHM tmr and i have no motivation whatso ever

contrary to what i said in my previous posts, i am not putting in an effort as i want to..

today is just bad. ni finished her exams and it just sent my mood to the ground. yes, i'm envious of her freedom and i keep thinking why the hell am i in thsi coourse.

but of course i look at neko and i knwo why.

sigh i wish i didn't feel lousy today. perhaps i could have studied better and faster and earlier and..........

feel like CRAP

This really sucks... to have so many exams, and still haven them when people are finsihing or already finished. just sucks...

feel lousy..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

better late then never

I had a very good talk with some of my vet frenz today. and, suddenly i feel so much bettter.

it's okie to admit that we may not be smart enough to get through this vet course. we ARE competeting with the top top top of australian students. It's okie to realise that you dont suit this course. better now then later.

One or two of my very good vet frenz are actually thinking of switching courses. i know, it's been 3 years, why not continue. but no one knows how HARD this vet course is. It's like a crash course of all the animals in the world in 4 years. (medicine is 1 species, 6 years)

as much as i'm sad that she's leaving, i must be happy for her. Better now then later. better 3 years than 5 years later then realise this really isn't for you. i respect her for the fact that she is brave enough to make this decision, especially at this point of the course, when she's already halfway through.

the only thing that worries her, and us if we were thinking of quiting, is the fact that we have to break this news to our parents. and asian parents aren't the type to take it easy. there are so many students doing courses they dont want to do coz their parents forced them too. what pride is there if your child is a Dr but is unhappy about it then quites her job right after she graduates? or better still, halfway through her course? WIll this whole pride thing even get out of the asian mentality?

as i listened to her talk about why she wants to leave, i tried to think about reasons for me to stay. i undoubtly thought of leaving a million times and have come up with a million reasons. i wanna dance, i'm not smart enough, i can't take the pressure etc etc. Like, my heart has not stop palpitating for the last week. and it will continue to do so for the next week. I think of a million reasons to stay because i really want to. i just cannot think of any other course that i might want to do other than vet. (perhaps the other option would be fashion or interior desigining that these are tough courses as well and like, what the fuck am i doing here if i were to switch course for these now? it can be done back in singapore!) I could switch to med and be a human doctor. i'll definately graduate. that's for sure. i'm not looking own at any med ppl that your course is definitely MUCH easier than vet course. But i'll be a half-hearted doctor. I can heal the human patient, but there is no sincerity in my service.

Part of the reason why i keep myself here in vet is because of my pride. Plus the fact that i have a strong female pride, it makes it worst. I'm not proud to say that i keep myself here because i'm afriad letting ppl know that i couldnt make it in the vet course. (that's why i admire my fren's bravory) I'm also not proud to say that i keep myself here because i like the name DR in front of my surname. most of all, I always tell myself that i'm not as easy quitter, even if it makes me bleed.

but i think that's just a part of the reason why i'm here. I thought it through, and i really actually want to be a good vet. perhaps even a surgeon. However, i have to face the facts that if i continue on like this, i will graduate a mediocre vet. "i work so hard and study so hard!!" yeah right ning! only on the night before exams! when i was in secondary sch and JC, when i really wanted to get my top marks (all A s) i worked my ass off every single day. there wasn't a second when i thought, 'hmm, what's on tv today' or 'what should i cook for dinner tmr' or 'maybe i'll go shopping after my first exam, i deserve a break'. i was steady and consistant and persistant.

This is a big wake up call. for all the times i sat in front of computer after i've rushed home to 'study', i checked e-mails then read through my notes with half my brain asleep.

This is vet ning, it's no longer elementary. By the looks of your pride and cowardness to quit, this is your only path out now. i have to start being serious. This seriousness does not mean more time studying, it means more enhanced studying when you are studying.

I dont want to be a mediocre vet, i want to be a good one, so good clinics BEG me to work for them. some things have to change ning, and you'd BETTER...

need a break?

hahahaha, my sister sent this to me.. it's so funnieeee. a perfect exam-studying break!


WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

U-tube is evil!!

SHITE. exam's tmr and i haven't finsihed half

ning what were you thinking when u wathec cartoons on u-tube??

you are officially banned from that site until exams are over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shitessssssss

why i am a perfect costume misstress

when i'm grumpy and sleepy and all bad, alot of things annoy me. but one of the things that annoys me the most, is people not returning my things proper.

i really dont want to get angry with my frens who borrow things from me and dont return properly, or quick enough or at a good enough condition as i gave them, or as urgently as i need it. it annoys me even mroe when i have to go to them to get it back. i did them a favour and lend them my things. shouldn't they come to me to return it?

in short, i take pride in the things that i own. i just wish some poeple will do the same for their things and mine.

if...

My bad habits...

if you think i'm not listening to you coz i'm looking away or seem uninterested, i most probably am, unless i said 'huh?'.

if you think i'm not talking much coz i dont care, i do. i am most probably thinking of a solution or worrying about it.

if you think i ignore what you said, and continued talking about something else. i didn't. i most probably wanted to get back to you on it after what i finished what i said, coz if not, i will forget on what i wanted to say. but more often than not, i foget to get to you on it.

if you think i forgot to hug and greet you, dont think i've not seen you and if not happy to see your arrival. i'm probably eating or distracted by the number of people arriving and overwhelmed. so notice how i give you a biger hug goodbye.

if you think i'm mad with you coz i pull a long face, more often than not, i am mad with myself and is sulking coz of regret.

if you think i'm quiet and not talking much when we go out. i;m not sian, i'm either tired, or just overwhelmed with your energy that i feel the need to moderate and hence quiet down.

if...

life with a 2nd dimension

Quote from our dearest dellick "without flare, life would be, wake up, brush teeth, eat, go to school, come home, study, hug pillow, sleep. and then go clubbing on the occasional weekend. with flare, there is a second dimension to life here in Aus, especially for us international students. flare has become our surrogate family. working together for dance, gigs and the production just gives our lives that extra meaning. and this is something people outside flare can never understand."

My my.. how true.. this is what i've always been saying... that i dont wanna be the people outside flare and live a 1 dimensional life. That is why, no matter how busy i am with my vet course, i refuse to give flare us. it's like leaving my family here. i was a very very very sad person when i just came here to Aus. i mean, i loved my collage frens but i've always felt that something was missing... then i experienced rhythmicity... and now i feel like i finally belong somewhere.

i love my vet people and i know they love me too. but i feel that they have their own lives. i dont usually call them when i'm sad or bored coz more often than not, they have something of their own going on too. Shwee has her happening clubbing life, Pris has her bf, Dawn has her collage frens, Jia and Leasly have each other and so do wenwen and jean, and bing and Est have each other also and so on...

this is kinda sensitive but... i sadly know some people in vet course who lead 1 dimensional lives. but for all i may know, they are happy the way they are and dont need a surrogate family in Aus like me. sometimes i HATE the vet course for turning their students' lives to be like this. well it IS vet....

Thru flare, i've made sooooooo many frens. i've never had so many frens in my life coz, i've always been socially awkward. when i jsut started out in secondary sch i had problems, in primary sch, i didn't have alot of frens, in JC.. well things weren't too bad, but flare was truely turned my life one full circle. i felt that i was accepted for who i am, the socailly awkward ning. i didnt have to pretend that i was 'cool' or act extra nice and be hypocritical. and thru flare, i am not socially awkward anymore. not that much i think.. i'm still changing.

Bless you jane khoo.. without this 'asian' dance club, i would have goen crying back to singapore a long time ago...

Ooopsss.. forgot to mention the very person whom i quoted. Deliik ah dellick.. after watching all thoes emotional videos yesterday, i suddenly felt that my video wasn't good enough. as in, it's too damn general lah. so i said i'll pass you a better one. but i'm IT lazy so i'll just blog and you and many others can read it.. hmm, i know we're not that close. but i dont know if you know how much i and many others look up to you as a leader. even mroe so for me because i am your 'succesor' [VP lah..] you were truely an alpha male here in our group. i admire the way you pushed your ideas and revolutionalised flare. the many gigs made us so damn popluar, the hiphop/jazz/contemp practises was so different and good. i dont know if people thought i was as good a VP as you but i though i wasn't. there were many other things i wanted to do with flare but my stupid vet course (blaming it again..) stopped me from even thinking about it. when you lead gigs, meal times, etc etc, everything was smoother. you dont know how empty our gig group felt whenever we didn't have you around this year to do gigs with us. your name would pop up afew times every now and then. so dont eveer feel that we dont need you! also... OMGoodness, you are a true example of what dedication can do. your dancing has sky-rockated from 0 to hero just becoz of shear practise and perserverance. we wil be missing ya dellick! dont fly so high till you loss sight of us...

path, oh path!

hating the subject is not working... i have to change my tactics...

i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path, i love path.

but right now, i'm exhausted... continue tmr..

OOPs

my maths is clearly failing...

i thought 25/34 was a fail... like 15/34..

lucky i dont take maths..

OH NO

i just checked my marks for parasitology.. i just failed my last 20% test!!!!

HOLY S***..............................................................

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

today wass bad bad bad... i hate studying path! it's incredible hard to me..

i wonder if i even suit this course...