funny feeling..

hmmm, i feel funny when i read my fren's blog, especially thoses from singapore. it sounds kinda sad, but, i really feel that i've been "left out" of all the exciting stuff in singapore. that doesn't mean that i wanna go back, but i'm just sad that i cannot be there to join in all the ups and downs with my frens. in that sense, i feel that i've distanced from them.

sigh, all the more we should catch up when i'm back..

there's gotta be more to life

yes.. i'm bored of my life! in fact i dont even feel that i have a life! i study everyday and now i have no motivation to study at all! shitzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!! i'm going to party soooooooooo bloody hard when i'm back in singapore man..................................................................................................... oh man.. my birthday is coming.. i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't have a party.. it's during the exam period..... i can't have a small gathering.. i have too many people to invite!!!!!!!! should i have dinner with my frenz at some resturant? my treat of course........ hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm was thinking about my birthday party next year.. for my 21st birthday, everything must be big!!!!!!! but for now, the 20th, hmmmmmmmmm, think i'd have some small gathering.. but where? what? how? when??? sigh.......

OH MY GOD!!!

this is the last day of school!! how time flies!!!!!!!!!!

anywayz, the main point here is that, i FITTED INTO A SIZE 6 PANTS!!!

yes!!! when i came home just now, i went to the toilet and while i was pulling up my pants, accidently ripped the strap that holds the belt. "damn" i thought, 1 pants spoilt! then i went to my cupboard to look if i had any other pants that i can wear, not that i'm going out now, but i just wanted to know if i needed to buy anymore. haha..

then i saw my "skinny" jeans.. i bought this pair of jeans from topshop when i was in sec4.. that was almost 4 years ago!!! i couldn't fit into it when i was in jc 1 coz i grew too fat. then now, i can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i splipped it on and zipped it up and buttoned it with EASE!!!!

immediately, i phoned my fren dea, coz i wanted to use her weighing machine. too bad she wasn't at home.. hahaha...

but i'm glad.. hey, something good came out amonsgt my stressed life here. heehee...

not that i'm a wanna be skinny freak, in fact, i dont believe in "low fat" stuff, they just contain more sugar! i didn't watch my diet at all, in fact i think i ate tonnes of snacks!!!! i'm not consious about how much oil i put into my pan when i cook, but that's no to say that i put 10x more than usual, i just put what is enough, what will make the food taste good. hmm.. actually i do watch my deit, but not to the extreme... i do think about how much carbohydrates i will eat, but not that much, in fact i feel that i'm eatting more rice than last year. i do eat lots of veggies though...

so i think the main reason why i slimmed down was coz of my walks to sch and my dance! yeah... i walk 30mins to school everyday, and have dance practise every now and then..

haha.. so glad that i slimmed down a little, not that i feel fat, but i know i'm plump. especially around the butt... haha, glad that i did it without putting in much effort!! and without making myself miserable!!!!

man.. i can't wait to weigh myself!

sigh

recently, i thnk i've been very very down on my luck. the cyst, the immunization, my illness, then my tests and exams, my bf, so many horrible things happen to me.

am i destined to live a life of misery??? my mom once said that ppl with big palms (like me) have to work very hard for their entried life. is that true? coz somehow, i feel that sometimes i work so hard in my studies, in my dance, in my health, social life, whatever, and i get the same results as other ppl(which is good when you think about it, but bad when it comes to exam results, coz it means you're dumb..) but most of the time, i think i really cannot make it..

i'm so sick of studying! but my passion of animals keeps me going. however, sometimes in class, whenever i feel that i've not "kept up" with the rest of the class, i doubt myself.. can i really do this? i work my ass of to get to melb uni's vet science course, and the cream of the crop of australia are here in this course with me. me? i''ve studied in a neighbourhood sch my entire life. not that it's not good.. but i'm worried that i just cannot do any better than what i am doing now...

i really want to pass with 1st class honours in the course. i know that is impossible with the rate i am going.. but just recently, so many things have happened to me. so much so that i couldn't study properly. like this week, i have my last anatomy test worth 12.5%. but i haven even gone half way through my books for this test. why? coz i was ill on monday and couldn't concentrate. the test is tml, and yet i dont feel the urgency to study. partly coz i know i will finish studying(by hook or by crook), and partly coz i just...how should i put this... just... cannot to bothered anymore you know.. i have so much stress on me that it everything just blurs out. i dont feel the stress to study anymore. and to be honest, i've never been so unprepared for an examinaton in since secondary 1.(coz i never studied in lower sec, and primary sch too..)

i'm also very troubled with my relationship with andi.. sigh.. i wont write it in this blog though. then again, dont think i have the mood to type it down, coz i'd be repeating myself.

funny thing though, loneliness use to be my main trouble here, but it disappeared, maybe coz of dance frenz and CS frenz, just got used to it.....

oops

i forgot to mention how my surgery went!!

it got on on monday, the 16th of may.. wow....... i was so freaking out at the waiting area... coz i had no idea what to expect.

finally the doctor called my name and i was brought into the room.. i sat on a chair that looked like a dentists'. then he nummbed my lip by rubbing on some anesthetic. then he injected more anesthetic (that's where the pain is!)

after 5 mins, my lip became completely numbbed and he started cutting the cyst up... yuck! i could hear his scaple(knife) going "scratch scrap ztt" on my lip.. and i could also feel the blood spattering around my lip. but i couldn't see a thing coz my eyes were closed, coz of the blinding light on my face. then again, my eyes can't see my own mouth no matter what.. haha

the surgery lasted about ten mins.. yeah that was how fast it was! then he stitched it up with 4 stitches.. (so i have 13 stitches on my life in total)

on my way home, it started swelling so much, i had to use the ice pack to cover it in case i freaked ppl out on the tramp.

but all is cool now.. thank God!

i really am jinx!!

sianz, the day right after my mom left, i fell ill...

i'm down with a soar throat, then the runny rose and congested cough came.. sianz....
(suddenly i started to think about my immune system.. ahha.. )

anywayz, i was hungry at night and decided to eat something before i took my night dos eof medication. there was nothing else to eat except bread. i knew the "healthier" alternative for me was to spread margaine on my bread coz it wasn't "heaty" but i decided to go with my fav nutella..

so i spreaded the THINNEST layer of nutella on my bread in my entire life... for the 1t time, i tasted the bread With the nutella, and not nutella on it's own.. hahahhaha.. coz usually i spread nutella so thick on my bread that it covers the bread taste.

but it was cool, the medicine i got for the pharmist was bloody good! my runny nose actually "disappeared". but i knew i wasn't cured. the medicine just suppressed the symptoms to make me feel comfortable.

mom WAS here

sigh, my stepmom just left. she came on tuesday evening and meant to leave somewhere next week. but my little sister back home in singapore had to fall ill ... and so my mom left for home today.

well, at least i brought her to some of the places here. on the first night she was here, i brought her to eat gelati ice cream, then brought her to shop shop shop in the city, and her new love is now big W. hahahaha, it used to be target.

was planing to bring her to bridge road today, then vic market tml, but time was short. oh well, at least i got to eat some delicious home cooked meals before she left.

i didn't have any mood to study, so i started cleaning my house all over! the toilet, the kitchen, i vacuumed, i scrubbed, i wipped... i also washed all my clothes. whao.. feel so clean man...

seriously, i think doing housework is a form of therapy for me, hahha, i feel.. hmm, somewhat not so disappionted anymore. well, better start studying then.

i'm spinning around....

1st was the cyst, then now the immunisation.

yeah, i had a Q fever immunisation yesterday morning, so i had to cancel my cyst surgery. the doctors warned us that 44% of us will feel soreness around the injected area, 10% will feel headaches and 1% of us will have fevers. guess what, i got all 3! last night, i even broke out in cold sweat in the middle of the night. woke up with my head spinning.. thus the title... haha

at lessons today, i couldn't concentrate at all, my mind kept wondering off into some other place, and i'd start day dreaming. i find it very hard to concentrate now a days... i'm getting worried.

am i just overworked? tired? or is my brain capacity really deteriorating????? it had better not.. i still have 4 years of vet studies to go! and i dont wanna give up!

sianz, i'm having another test tmr about anatomy. wow...... dunnoe how to study when i'm feeling this lethargic

i need to go for surgery..

yeah.. i had this ulcer in my mouth that has been there for more than a month, so i decided to see a doctor.

it turned out to be a cyst(is that how you spell it?) and i need to go for surgery for that, sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

just feel that i'm down on my luck recently, guess finding that 4-leaf clover didn't help. then again, maybe things would have been worst if i didn't find it.

the surgery is a minor one, with local anasthsia. but the fact that such a troublesome things happened to me just SUCKS. makes me feel so darn right unlucky!

my goodness.. i would never do that in my life!!!

just woke up at 9 this morning, and rushed to sch thinking that my lab started at 9. but came here and saw my fren who said it was at 10.... nvm, at least i'm early. =)

anyway, i had a terrible terrible dream last night.. it was a continuation of a previous dream i had.. it was so scary..

i dreamt that i killed my fren!!!!! yes, i'm not joking, i dreamt that i went to th suburbs with my fren (will not say who.. if ot, it'll scare the shits out of you..) and stabbed her in the abdomen.. i dont know why i did it, but i ran away after that. i found myself in my house and everyone was teling me how my fren was murdered.. (let's call her A)

1st i panicked, then pretended to be shocked and sad...duh.. i was the killer who doesn't want to get caught. later on, the police came to interview me and they knew that i was at the crime scene. but i kept screaming, and crying saying i didn't know a thing, and they believed it. thinking that i was at the scene but left before it happened..

news spreaded fast, and soon, ppl were talking about who the killer was. fingers pointed at me, but somehow, in my dream, i was so smart that i actually managed to fool the police into thinking that i already left the scence of the crime before the murder took place.

i thought to myself, why i did it, and i didn't have an answer. all i knew was that i didn't want to go to jial, i would rather die!

the emotions felt so real, i woke up with my heart beating really fast....