...

i hate it when ppl are rude to me, i hate it even more when they start to take advantage of the fact that i dont retaliate!

"..." is what i say to myself whenever i dont want confrontation..

argh!!!!!!!!!! i'm just too kind!

to do list

during my 1 week farm trip,

-choreograph
-learn spanish (Try lah!)
-sort, name and organise al the photos and files in computer, yesh remember to bring ur comp!

during the rest of the hols,

-drag mom jean here and steph too. show them around.
-call mama and talk long long long long to her. just like how much she nags at you.
-go for extra dance lessons! woohoo!!!
-eat eat eat eat eat
-dance dance dance and club!
-party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-hang out 24/7 with my frenz..... =)

when sch reopens,

-nerdify yourself in classes, saty awake! bring green tea since coffee doesn't help
-study regularly and keep up with the major nerds and geniuses of the class!
-dance dance dance still =p

dear ning

dearest ning of next semester,

as u can see, u are suffering a whole lot of stress now, because of your work load. so next time, please start ealier. i dont care if there are alot of assignments, u still have to start eariler, in fact all the more harder u work.

next time, please balance ur work properly. u've been lazy. telling everyone that ua re going home to study, including urself, but not doing so. u lazy around for a while, and that "awhile" can become a few hours.

stop watching tv so much. house, ncis, desperate housewives, ghost whisperer are all series that you can download. stop watching so much, and no, it will not kill you.

regarding dance, u have also been lazy. why can't u balance it like last semester?

okie, i forgive you, i know it's hard to adjust yourself to the sudden double work laod you have compared to last year. so lets just drop the matter. but next time when u read this, i hope u have not done what you will regret.

love,
Ning 28/5/06, 1.27am

utter confusion

feeling utterly confused now... just like my hair.. one side is striaght, and the other side is curly.

maybe it's whole bloody heavy workload i have, maybe it's the loneliness of walking home alone just now, maybe it's my fear of failing or retaining, and the sudden realisation that i will have to work my ass off for this exam period just to pass. and for that i may not even pass. it's also the suddenly feeling of being no longer part of a group, the fear of disappointing my parents, the fear of the holidays spent here and nto going back to singapore, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just so many things..

then just now, after the movie with my frens, i had to go home to study while they went out. it felt so so so so sad to walk home alone. but i had things to study, i MADE this choice to isolate myself to study. but then , i didn't have a choice.

seee what i mean? it's all jumbled up. i really feel like releasing this inner frustration. but how can i release it when i dont even know what it is?

and to make matters worst, i just watched x-men. it was a fantastic show.. but the ending was so so so sad.. why did jean and scott have to die? i know they will die in the end but why so soon??? and the professor too! well the professor will live in th end i think. but i was disappointed to not see some x-emn in action. where was nightcrawler? why didn't mistique, rouge, etc etc etc fight???

hmmmmm maybe it's just this frutrating exam period.. no one except for vet students, has an idea of how much work we have. how much we have to remember, how much the vet faculty expects of us. and how inferior i feel. i'm studying with the cream of the crop of melbourne/australia. and i'm just this neighbourhood sch kid could couldn't even pass her chinese! i really start to wonder if i will ever make it? will i just waste 3 years here trying too hard, pushing myself to hard when i know i wont make it?

i will still study my very hardest this semester. but all i hope for is to pass.

Hurray!

yeah, all my assignments are done. Oh but what's this? i have only 10 days left to my first exam! oh how exciting!!! (right..)

i really wonder if the vet faculty ever felt that they were too much. not only in terms of giving us too much work for exams, but also i terms of giving us too much in too little time for to cope for, and hence decrease our learning capacity for our work in the future.

dont they ever think of that?

i'm not surprised.. every vet teacher in sch is a wierdo! and all the wierd ppl are in my class to! not to say that everyone is wierd, but MOst of the wierd ppl of uni are in my vet course!

they just study too hard..

no i'm not wierd.. i'm a nerd, but not wierd.

there is a variety of wierdness of ppl in vet course.. there's the attention seeker, then a few no-lifers, social-skill wierdos etc etc.... it's hard to describe..

but no matter how wierd they are, i must admit that they have the ultimate last laugh. coz they are the ones doing bloody well in exams..

damn..

damn vet course

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i feel so bloody useless! i studied for so long and yet i cover so little.

i'm just so going to die for my exams! seriously feel that this is the MOST UNPREPARED EXAM I WILL EVER TAKE! and why?? coz i had so many bloody assgnments.

i'm just so damn pissed with my vet course structure and lecturers. i know, everyonw there is a bloody genius expect me!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

why did i ever want to gt in here? am i even suited to treat crapping cows? the only reason why they acccpted me is coz i'm an international student, its the f----ing money they are after! they know that i'll fail!!!

and the assignment is not easy too.

sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob

so sick of assignments

so so so so dead for my exams! why didn't i start studying earlier??

ohhhhhhh i know..... coz i have NEVER-ENDING ASSIGMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!

stupid uni teacherssssssssssssssssssss.................

pathology crap

path is just sooooooooooooooo boring! i can't stand it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

the miracles of blogging

yeah, i just blogged about some frustrating disclosed stuff on my other blog. i usually put all the really awefull stuff in that blog. perhaps i;ve never told anyone else somethings except in that blog. all those feelings and thoughts that i am ashamedof or that i dislike, i put it alllllllll there, then i FORGET about them immediately. so amazing huh....

feel so light now i could fly.... and the funny part is, sometimes when i go back to read some of this awful stuff, i go "i really tot of that???" perhaps this method made me a quite a happy-go-lucky person overall.

what would i do without blogging???

i'm not alone

today i had a group discussion with 2 of my closer vet frens, and i realise i'm not the onli one who hasn't started studying for exams coz the tests and bloody assignments. we are all in the saem boast, and we all agree that vet is killing its students...

we must persevere!!!

i can, i will, i must, and i had better!!!!!!

my biggest studying flaw

just finished my assignment halfway.. really wanted to continue but can't! why?? coz when the lecturer was explaining the experimental results in lecture, i was there in my set sleeping all the way.

my biggest studying flaw number - Simply CANNOT keep awake in lectures.

no matter how much i sleep the night before, if the lecture is boring and if i have nothing to copy down or write in my notes, i will start to day dream, then blink, slower and slower, then cross my arms, hang my head down and go to sleep. and its becoz of this habit of mine that makes me soooooooo unaware of alot of things going on in class and pracs. like lectures will tell us we'll be doing this prac on this day and i'll just miss it totally and end up preparing another prac. i really must try to keep awake in lectures!! really really must! i am that bad! the moment i close my eyes, i sleep,, and i dream! that means i;m in deep sleep already!! perhaps i should drink green tea.. and stock it up in my locker.. no,.. coffee never wokred for me... somehow i still sleep.. yea i am that bad..

oops.. i am suppose to be doing my assignment..

You Have Low Self Esteem 28% of the Time

Generally, you feel pretty darn great about who you are, even when you mess up or fail.Occasionally, a huge setback will make you question yourself, but you pick yourself up quickly.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howisyourselfesteemquiz/">How is Your Self Esteem?

we are family

it just feels so good to have family here. even if it's just 2 cousins. i'm serious! i feel so happy whenever i go out with my cousins here. =)

despite all the worries i have abotu my studies, i can't help but smile whenever i'm with them.

so blessed..

what if?

vet is so freaking hard.. i'm siting in my com lab now just thinking of what'a to come.. so many assignments due, so many exams and so many tests. what was i thinking when i wanted to study this course?

i hate the fact that all of us must work our asses off to pass simple tests. i hate to feel worried and stress all the time about my studies. everyone in the vet faculty is freaking smart, and i'm the hard working onw. well it seems like i'm not hardworking enough. i failed my first test on friday. i didn't expect to pass coz i ddn't study very well coz i was sick.

sometimes, i hate to hear ppl complain about their work when i have freaking so much more. i have no idea how the hell i'm going to catch up with my work when i have so many assignments to hand up. dont the lecturers feel for us? that we have too much work we can ahndle already? but i hate even more to hear ppl from my vet course complain that they are worried when i'm the one who's really in deep shit. like they know, and i know, that they never fail, they study damn hard and smart, and i;'m the sick one, who has no time to study and not as smart as them.

i worked my ass off to get to this stupid vet course when i was in singapore. now i''m thinking what happens if i fail? my parents will be bloddy disappointed and i wont get mercy from my grandma and stepmom coz they expect alot from me. what if i retain and waste money again??? what if...

check it out..

Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern South Africa around the year 1825.Your profession was that of a medic, surgeon or herbalist.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:Ruthless character, carefully weighing his decisions in critical situations, with excellent self-control and strong will. Such people are generally liked, but not always loved.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:Your lesson is to combat violence and disharmony in our world, to understand its roots and origins. All global problems have similar origins.

hahahhaha cool huh.... sounds kinds true man..

awwwww

this is for shar.. so sweet of you to drop by and hand me butter cookies!! sher gave me tonnes of banana bread... and i had lots of hugs and kisses from palz.

yeah.. it's been one hell of a stressful week for me, and my vet frenz. in fact, all of us are getting soooooo stressed up now that exams are around the corner and tests and assignments are due! and it doesn't help when i'm ill for the 2nd time in a month..

sooooooooo thank you everyone who showered me with TLC this week. muacks!

Nothing is impossible!

"nut-thing iz impozzible" yeah.. the punch line of the BEAUTIFUL cartoon Thumbelina!!!

just watched the cartoon on dvd! it was soooooooooooooooo magical! i admit, i'm anti-romantic comdies(only the very good ones...) but i'm a total sucker for cartoon love songs and stories....

maybe coz they are so magical and perfect...

some songs... this first one is a duet btw thumbelina and her prince. coz the prince can fly but she can't.. they were gliding on the water surfaces and in the garden flowers it was soooo beautiful!!!

Let me be your wings
Let me be your only love
Let me take you far beyond the stars
Let me be your wings
Let me lift you high above
Everything we're dreaming of will soon be ours
Anything that you desire
Anything at all
Everyday I'll take you higher
And I'll never let you fall
Let me be your wings
Leave behind the world you know
For another world of wondrous things
We'll see the universe
And dance on Saturn's rings
Fly with me and I will be your wings
Anything that you desire Anything at all (Anything at all)
Everyday I'll take you higher And I'll never let you fall
You will be my wings (Let me be your wings) You will be my only love
Get ready for another world of wondrous things
We'll see the universe And dance on Saturn's rings
Heaven isn't too far
Heaven is where you are Stay with me and Let me be your (You will be my) wings.......

thumbelina sang this when she felt a little depressed feeling thst she was the onli little person in the world. this is optimism man!

I know there's someone somewhere
Someone who's sure to find me soon
After the rain goes there are rainbows
I'll find my rainbow soon
Soon it won't be just pretend
Soon a happy ending
Love, can you hear me
If you're near me
Sing your song
Sure and strong And soon.....

and thumbelina's voice is simply adoring...........

and the best part.. she is the same voice over as ARIEL OF THE LITTLE MERMAID!!

good things do go in pairs.. =)

how much harder?

i feel that i'm studying damn hard already.. but it's not enough..

i must change.. i can i will i must!!!!!!

my 4 day rsvp adventure

well it's not exactly an adventure but a sure memorable one.. i wanted to send an sms to some frens thru sms mate when they asked me to click a link of their sponsor to send the sms. i just clicked the "no preference" button and my msg was send. but a new window poped up on my computer. it was rsvp.com

i tot, hey, isn't that that website for online dating? funny... i've never trusted in these sort of things.. but then i clicked on the link "search" and i saw my fren there! and she just signed up too! so i signed up wiht a nickname no one knew and send her a "kiss"

hahaha i just wanted to tease her and check the website out. but of course she found out it was me. for the first day, i doidn't put my picture in and wrote rubbish in the profile page. i actually said stupid stuff like "i'm imperfect, i'm stupid, i'm short" etc etc and it was damn fun to watch ppl send u a "kiss" and reading their profiles.

i was addicted for a while.. i couldn;t stop searching for ppll and laughing at them. like there was this lady who was 56 years old and her profile goes "now that my daughter is older, time for me to have the fun!" and there was this guy who has a photo of himself with damn long straight hari,a nd he as holding a cat. ( a bad sign.. usually only spinsters and unmarried ppl love cats like that.. not me lah..) his profile read "sensitive guy, hoping to share a life with a cat loving girl" and the list goes on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

however, after i put my photo up, i started getting all sorts of wierd pl coming up to me, sending me their kissses and emails etce tc.. like i had 26 in 2-3 days! it was so freaky!!!. i felt that ppl were staring at my photo with ill intentions! ekk!!!!!

the final straw came when a few ppl tried to initiate a a chat window with me wiht a video thingy.. i closed my window, rendering myslef offline, then clicked "remove registration" a while later.

my fren is still a memebr of it and i dont detest it. in fact i think it's cool. it is a great way to meet ppl and we should no longer look at this kind of websites with the "desperates only" kind of feeling. moreover, they send you free vouchers for clothing shops regularly! (shit..)

but my 'adventure' proved me a point i've always disliked.. that looks do matter in this superficial world. no! i'm not saying that i'm pretty! but just think! the difference int he numbers of ppl who sent me a kiss were like 5-6 fold when i had no photo and when i did. these ppl were in other words, looking for ppl with photos and were not bothered to see the others without a photo! not even bothering to read their profile!

i had this discussion in JC before. and i'm very disappointed with this reality. we're always been told when we were young that looks do not matter as much, that what matters is inner beauty etc etc etc. Man that is soo untrue..

time magazine had this extra features of plastic surgery in asia once and it totally blew my mind.. there were so many stories of ppl undergoing surgery coz they feel that ppl dont smile at them, that ppl looked down on them coz of the way they looked, coz ppl didnt give them good jobs etc etc.. and there was even this girl who had to work as a prostituite to support her drunk dad and the clients didnt even want her coz she had droopy eyes and buck teeth. luckily for her, her sad story was made known on some tv program and she went for free cosmetic surgery to become "beautiful". she said she asked her current bf if he still wanted to be with her if she went abck to her sual looks and his striaght answer was NO.

i guess we have to live with this cruel fact. after all, beauty=health. that's why we are attrated to beautiful ppl. it's for reproduction.. better genes!

but if we can't change genes, we can change other things.. is that's why there are so many courses today about beauty and presentation, speaking etc etc.. coz ppl know it's important? but most of us i would say are in denial. classic exampple, our parents. haha,, well, they just want to make us happy i guess.

i was alwyas made to feel horrible when i'm vain. my parents wil criticise girls horribly vain on the street, schools suppress vainity amongst girls, bitchy girls on movies are always vain. but when i watch "the swan" or other reality plastic surgery show on tv, the ppl who are there are really truthful and not afraid to say that they want to be beautiful. which i find very admirable.

maybe i care too much about what ppl think about me...