ning feels proud.. =p

it's 2.25 in the morning and i'm not sleeping yet!!! no, i'm not studying this time. hahah.., i didn;t study much today in fact. feel kinda bad but i know i'm so much mroe prepared for this semester's exams compared to last semester.

the reason why i dont wanna go to bed is becoz,. i have so many things on my mind right now.. and i would liek to type it down.. heee.. so i dont think about it too much!

1st.. my grandma's bravery just gave me that super encouragement to study harder and smarter!!! she's been taking care of my brother and i as if we were her children, not grandchildren.. and if u're thinking that there isn't a diff, ure wrong, there is a bigggggg difference!! i really love her, she's been sooo annoying naggy to me for the past 20 years of my life! but everything she says and does is out of concern for me. i promise myself to study hard ans smart and do my very best in my exams. not onli in exams.. in life overall.. like an overachiever u know what i mean? haha

2nd: i feel proud of myself.. i know this is kinda boastful for me to say this, bug i really feel that i'm so much more independent now compared to last year and compared when i was in my JC. i remember coming back to melb alone this semester and i was very sad coz i was afraid that my life here was going to be bad like last semester. but before i boarded the plane, i went to the toilet to cry and told myslef that i must face the fact that i have chosen to study here coz i wanna be a vet, and i will make full use of my time here and enjoy and achieve.. =) hhah and i did!!!!

3rd: i also feel that i'm a better person now.. more mature, more streetwise etc.. recently, many of my frens have been having their personally problems, and i've been talking and helping and encourgaing them.. =) it feels soooooooooooooooooo good to help ppl..

4th: also, i feel that i've made achievements in my studies and my dance!!! oh well, i didn;t score fantastically well in my studies, but the fact that i could juggle dance and my studies pretty well to at least pass well is amazing!!! i feel so proud and good.. hahah..

5th: i feel so much more prepared for my exams this semester.. last sem, i wrote a letter to myself.. it was on the night of my birthday and i was studying for my physiology exam. it reads " help! i'm going to die for physiology later. why didn;t i start earlier? it's just been a very bad semester. it will nto be repeated! next time, you come back, prepared mentally, physically, and emotionally for ya life here" and i did.. i started stuyding earlier and i managed my time properly.. feel so good.. =)

okie okie.. if i say anymroe, ppl reading this will just puke... ahaha.. yeah.. kinda proud of myself today. =p

i really love my grandmother...

i just called home.. my mom told me that my grandma has cancer in the end..........

so the doctor asked my grandma.. whether she wanted to go for chemo treatment... or did she just wanna not treat...

coz my grandma is almost 80.. she can hardly walk and recently went thru a lot of surgeries such as the leg one, the eye one, the stomach one etc... so the doctor told my mom that it was okei if she doesn;t want to be treated.. u know what i mean.. so that she wont have to sufefr so much...............

but my grandma said.. she wants to go for the treatment.... coz.. she wants to see me and my brother and all her grandchildren graduate from uni..................

when i hear that fro my mom, i couldn't conatin my tears at all!!!!!!!!!! she's so brave!! she's always been this self-sacrificial!!!!!!! i absolutely love her!!!

i pray she gets well soon.............. =)

it's normal to feel that odd feeling

recently, i've been studying at the bailieu library in sch realy often,,, and i feel goos coz i'm in the company of soooooooooooooooo many frenz!!!!!!! and i study quite efficiently there.. and alsoo, i have alot of moral support there.. feel glad..

Am, Kel, Sher, Ginnie and i will study at the library together, and occasionally, other flarians and frens like Joon, Cindy, Shar etc will come along to join us....... not to mention Am's funny frenz, Rat and Shan.. hahhahahha

we would eat together and slack and chat sometimes.. and i really like to study there coz i dunt wanna stay at home all day and feel alone.....

one day during dinner, kel said that he read my blog, and he told me that it was normal to feel that odd feeling i had last friday, that lonely empty feeling... hahaha.. i never knew other ppl would feel that way tooooo..............

but thanks Kel, i felt better about it.. =)

love to study there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

family blues

i called back home just now. it has been such a long time since i called back home to speak to my stepmom, dad, siblings and grandma. and i get this impression that they are falling apart without me there. especially my brother and stepsister.

the moment my uncle ks and aunty ginnie and their son, ryan comes back from KL, my stepsister 'disappears'. she goes out to stay in her father's house coz she doean't want to see my uncle. she doesn't join us for any of our gatherings which involve my guma and gujiong especially. the reason why she doesn't go along is coz she feels very uncomfortable. i understand.. i mean, who wouldn't feel that way?? if only i was there, i would encourage her to go along and help her feel less uncomfortable and fit in.

then my brother... sigh.. i know how much he loves to spend his weekends at my mom's place. but he's starting to isolate himself from our family... he woould skip dinner and lunch gatherings with our family. then my uncles and aunties would ask me (if i was around) where he went to... i know he has mroe freedom and more fun in my mom's house. but sometimes, he really must make an effort to bond with our family. at least that bare minimum!! but he doesn;t. well he's still a kid.. he wouldnt understand much. if i was there, i would regulate his time spend at both of my parent's sidess....

then my gujiong and my father's relationship is getting bad to worst. so is my stepmom's relationship with my uncle ks.. etc the changing of maids, my grandma's health, no one in singapore to help.... etc.. so many things..

sigh... when i was in singapore, i hated the fact that i had to deal with all this family problems.. having to withstand naggings and complains from both sides and to rely the msg was intorable.. but now, i wish i was there to solve the problems..

lonely... i am so lonely.. hahahha

it's friday night, and since flare is over, i dont have much to do.

my frens do call me out, but i didn;t wanna go, wanted to stay home to study..

suddenly i felt this feeling that i've never felt in ages..... i feel lonely suddenly........

how odd.. how very very odd...........

Nominations AGAIN..

yeah!! flare had our annual general meeting this wednesday and i was up for nominations as secretary, president,a nd vice president.

i was sooooooooooo honoured when i found out ppl nominated for me and told me that i had their vote. i felt soooo touched!!!!

while i waited outside with my fellow nomineesfor our turn to go into the room to give a speech and promote ourselves, i tired very hard to think of what to say. but i couldn't think properly.. i was just toooo nervous about the speech!!

here's what i came out with, roughly in my head:
- get flarians to get closer together by having more events other than just dance
- get flarians to be more involved in dance besides productions
- get professional teachers for classes!
- give everyone equal chance for dancing in every piece
-etc etc

here's what u said instead:
- get flarians to be more involved in dance besides productions
- give everyone equal chance for dancing in every piece
- how hard the experience choregraphy was..
- how i organised so many sewing sessions ans make up workshops and how they didn't attend.. (oops!!!!!hahahha shouldn't have said that right.........)

but in the end, i was voted VP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can u believe it?? it was such an honour!

Am is President, Ness is treasurer, and Grace is secretary!!!!!!!!!!! what a team!! =)

there is just so much that i want to give back to flare.. =) glad i am given the chance to do so now!

update part 2: fionna's farewell

sigh.. isn't it sad that someone, u just got to know well and come to like, is going back so soon???

fionna is this major cool girl i got to know in flare. her style is goth, red and black... very cool.. she also choreographed the dance"haunted" this year, and my frens commented that they love it the most!!!!!!!!! it's the dance whereby my raincoat is torn off basically..

the crunk'd gang had a suprise farewell dinner at moskitto on monday for her, and we suprised her again that night by popping by her house with a cake Am baked!! shar also made a slide show dedicated for her. it was pretty emotional.. coz she was going to leave on wednesday. but then, she was going back to singapore, so i told myself not to cry.. coz i could always see her when i go back home! haha.....

however, later on, i found out that fi changed her flight last min to sunday night.. and they were going to have another gathering on sat and sun, but i've already had thingd on!!!! oh well, i can always see her back home.. =)

the ultimate update... part 1: limelight

whao.. it's been agesssssssss since i last blogged properly.. i've just been soooo busy with my studies and flaredance... but flaredance is over for now, not totally over of course, just production is over, and it's time for me to start studying..

production week: LIMELIGHT!!!!

anywayz, my dance club, flaredance emsemble had a production last week, on the 13th to 15th october.. we had 3 shows, 3 fantastic shows!!! for the whole of last week, i was soooooooo freaking busy, there were sooo many rehearsals to attend and i had to skip some of my classes for it, but it was worth!!!

as if the many rehearsal and my 33 contact hours of uni isn't enough, i had 2 tests that week!!! yes.. it was such a torture... the onli time i felt happy when when i was dancing or when i was hanging out my dance mates...

there was a rehearsal every day on that week, including the sunday on the week before!!! and the worst part, my tests were on monday and friday! the test on monday was my biochem test, it was so freaking hard to study and remember all the structure, molecules, pathways etc etc, and i couldn't study much the week before coz of my Crunk'D competition. in other words, i basically onli had that sunday to squeeze in everything before my monday test. thatsunday night, i stayed up till 4.,30 am to study, btu i still couldn;t finish studying... just before i took the test on monday, i became very upset with myself and i knew i was going to fail... but in the end, i passed by 1 mark.. 31/60 hahahahaha..

then after that biochem test on monday, i had to go to union theatre for my lighting rehearsal... the lighting rehearsal onli lasted 1/2 hour, but i felt very upset after that, coz i was just soooooo worried about my dance piece... i have too many ppl in my piece, and they never turn up all at once before, i had just too many things to worry about in my piece... i actually broke down in front of jean.. then suddenly, i met jane as we were walking back to vet sch, they both convinced me that things will work out eventually... and it did.. =)

the next few days, tuesday onwards, was a freaking busy... i was in the threatre for the whole of my evenings, from 5 till late! but i had sooooooo much fun performing!!! tuesday was a tech run, and it was the first time we got to see how the other dances looked like on stage, with full make up and costumes. when the whole tech run was over, i knew this year's show as better than last year's!! on wednesday we had a full dress rehearsal.. man i had such trouble changing!!! coz i'm actually in 4 dances pieces. if i add the finale, it's 5!!! but i love dancing!! =)

we had our first show on thursday, and seats weren't full, but there were still many ppl.. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...... but after the show, i felt soooooooooo bad.. coz i had a test the next day, (friday) and i haven started studying for the test yet!!! and yet, i still stayed on for the briefing after the show, even though my other vet frens already went home to study... that night, i stayed up till 4.30am before i slept. i just couldn't study anymore.. in the morning before the test, i felt soooooo upset with myslef, i broke down in front of priscilla.. i just felt sooooooo disappionted with myself... coz i know i can do more, study more and all that. but on that thursday night, i just couldn't, coz i was too tired, i just couldn't push myself anymore, so i went to bed not knowing half of everything.. luckily however, i felt that i could borderline pass after i did the test,, prob coz it was easy... i got 26/35.

i felt so relief after the test. my performances on friday and saturday felt so enjoyable!!!!!!!!!!!! coz all my tests were over, and all i cared about at that weekend was my dance!!!!

btw, we actually were sold out on friday and saturday!! how cool is that????!!!!! hahahahha

my vet frens came to support me on friday night.. so nice right,, they said the show was awesome!! and i danced well.. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

a funny tale: in fionna's item, there was a part where my fellow dancers had to tear my raincoat off, and on friday, this guy in the audiemce went "whao" quite loudly, and everyone laughed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahhaa i laughed too of course..

then on saturday, was the ultimate!!! just the thought of it being the last time you'll every perform those dances that youve been learning for the whole year was too much to take!!! i spent the whole of my afternoon with sher, in starbucks, writing little notes of appreciation to my closer flarians and attaching lollies to them.

not onli was sat the last night of our performance, it was also the day that most of my frens came to support me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha, when grace came back from her dance, which was the first item, she told me how that gang of frenz were sitting in the front row!! i shouted "shit!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs coz i knewwwwwwwwwww they were so going to make fun of me!!!! and in derrick's dance, the crunk'd one, they all shouted "ah chuan!!! " so loudly!! it was soooooooo funny!! all my frens on stage started to giggle, coz the funny part was, i wasn't dancing from the start! i was joining in a little later!! hahahahahaha!!!!!

btw, derrick was the one who gave me the nickname ah chuan.. so unglam right? but i got to admit, it's damn funny man...

it was such an awesome show! and after the show, my frens gave me flowers!!! so nice right??? i received 1 bouquet of lillies, irises, jebarras(dunnoe how to spell) from paukuan and siaowen, 1 deep red rose from fionna, 1 pink rose from grace, 1 pink rose from bernice, 1 from sharleen, jane gave me a muffin she baked, lesley and yujia gave me cookies that they baked, joon gave me 2 pink jebarras(dunnoe how to spell...), my vet pals gave me a bouquet of pink carnations!!!! so sweet of all of them................ =)

after that, we had the flare afterparty.. joon helped me make dessert. haha and it was good!!!!! the flare committe gave out certs to everyone. i took so many pictures!! i felt so emotional and couldn't stop crying for a while coz i was part relief that it was over, part sad that it was over, and most of all, very grateful to flare!!!!! i cannot describe to you how much flare has made my life here so much more interesting, mroe fun, more enjoyable. i made so many frens, learnt so many new things, etc etc.. waho.. it was overwhelming...

2 rats just died in our lab experiment!

yeah, it wasn't meant to be!!! pris cried, jean didn't say a word, the rest were in shock, and i was so angry!!!

we had this physiology experiment to measure the amount of O2 taken in by the rat. there were 3 types of rats, normal one, hypothyroid one, and hyperthyroid one.

we got a hyperthyroid rat and placed him in a glass jar to conduct the experiment. being hyperthyriod, we expected him to use up alot of O2 , be hyperactive and sweat more.

but halfway thru the experiment, we noticed that he started to sweat a whole lot more and struggle like mad to get out of the jar. we knew something was wrong, so i rushed to a demonstrator and told her to come see the situation. "oh yeah he's fine. as long as the temperature does not exceed 33 degrees. " so we monitered the temp and the most it reached was 30 degrees. 4 mins later, the experiement finished and we had all our readings. jean went to weigh the rat, onli to find that it didn;t move at all!!

the rat was brought to the front table, the lecturer,(vet) performed CPR on him but he didn't wake still.... just then, another hyperthyriod rat came along, in the same situation as ours. the vet also tried to perform CPR to revive it but the 2 rats just died..

we had to stop the experiment and go to the lecture theatre to have a discussion as to what happend...

sigh.. the lecturer babbled on about how the test can be improved.. but at the end of it, he said "not sure why it turned out like that, perhaps coz we never had rats this big before"

................................

so it was their "mis-calculation" sigh.. sometimes i wonder whether they really know their stuff, or whether they really care.......

i love flare..

i know i've been MIA on my blog for quite some time.. but i;ve been really busy with flare..

now that it's all over, (not really over but production is over..) i have so much to say...

but i feel so tired now..

i'll talk about it soon................

we got served!!

yeah, flare went to a hiphop dance competition as CRUNK"D!

we totally rocked the house down.. we were original, creative and soo entertaining.. but we didn;t win.. =(

everyone said that we did a very good job... but i guess not good enough..

haha had fun though.. now back to studying!!!!!

ning, what is wrong with you

so grumpy, so sleepy, so irritable..

i must sleep early.... must be more efficient.... must work smarter and harder...

i really dont wanna stay here for good!!

i'm so scared.. until now... as i think of it, i shudder with fear...

My fren and i were walking to jel's house, we were about to cross a road when this drunk white guy poped his head out of the car and shouted "hey lady, how about a blow job?!" i merely turned to reply "no thanks" very softly then walked off. then later on he shouted something about money and he'll pay so much ...

suddenly, this mad drunk guy got out of his car and started walking towards us about a good 5 steps. he was shouting all sorts of foul languge and i got so frightened... i didn't know what he wanted to do. but the road was pretty dark and deserted, even though it was 7pm at the evening and we were near the city area, many cars around, there was no one else around but my fren and i. i didn't look back, and started running towards the lobby of my fren's apartment.. but then i realise that i can't go into the lobby if i didn't have the card key.(residents have it onli) we hid behind this wall near the lobby till we heard him drive off.. it was sooooooooooooooo scary................................... i was shaking for a good 5 mins...

then this resident went into the building and opened the door for us, so we went into the lobby to wait for another fren.... so freaking scary... this incident just made me realise how much i wanna go home and not stay here in auss... i know the majority of the ppl here are nice, but even this little percentage of nasty aussies just puts me off soo sooo soooo much... i mean, think about it... singapore prob doesn't have this sort of a situation. even so, it souldnt be so extreme... the cultures are just soooo different... it would take a very very very very good reason to keeo me here in ausie for good..

later on, my fren told me that he pointed the middle finger at that drunk guy coz he was really pissed off, and he kept apologising.. aiyah forgiven, but i thought it wasn;t really his fault.. that aussie guy was just drunk and out of his mind.. i just hate this culture of getting wasted then doing stupid stuff... the aussie culture seem to idolise this habit. they seem to think it's soo fun and cool... why?

sigh.. i think i'm very unlucky some times.. i seem to always experience racist stuff.. just the other day, last friday, i was in this tram when this other drunk aussie bloke was scolding this aisan guy adn telling him to get off "his" tram.. luckily my other fren in the tram stood up for him and started scolding him back..

i really hope i dont encounter this sort of shit again...

what a spring break!!

whao.. it's already saturday! 2 weeks have passed... and my spring break is narly over!!!

i feel a little sad.. i wished this holiday would never end!!! i have had soooooo much fun! studying and catching up with old frenz, making new frenz, celebrating parties, practising dance... whao............. what a holiday i had!!! i never want this holiday to end!! not onli will i miss all the fun, i also dun wanna go back to my dull sch life.. and besides!! i wish i could study more!!

i went out for meals so often with my frens, it felt good coz i seldom get the chance to go out to eat during sch days.. i mean, i end class at 5, then i have to go for dance usually, then by the time i get home, it's 9-10 or so, there wouldn't be time to go out to eat.. i also went out to eat dimsum... yummmmmmm then i also had mac breakfast here for the 1st time!! yes!! coz usually, i would never have the motivationt o get out of bed early in the morning to eat breakie, but this thursday, i was chatting with my frens so late, that we didn't sleep!!! so we went out for breakie when the sun rose.. hahahhaa..

i spent so much time studying and catching up with sher... hee.. felt good... if it wasn't for her company, i'd prob have a sad, boring holiday... i also met up with siaowen a few times, and made better frens with the cs guys.. ahhaha

but, as much as i had my many fun times, i also had my lows... one was last week, when no little ppl turned out for rehearsal.. and my lighting, costumes, make up decisions for dance that i had to make.. it gave me such a big headache!! but at least it's all almost over..

btw, my dance turned out pretty well i think... at this week's practise, more ppl came, and sherleen and i viewed the whole thing, complete for the 1st time.. it looked sooooooo suprising good........ i feel so satisfied.... =) i just hope it is as good as, if not, not as bad as the other hiphop/pop dances in the production... but still! i can't wait for production!! must come support me okie!!!!!!!

also, i have decided to move out.. hahahahaha!!! i know it's going to be soo troublesome to move again.. but i really wanna experience living life outside student accommodation.. and also, recently, cs is really starting to annoy me........

hmmmmmm true anot??

You Are Italian Food

Comforting yet overwhelming.People love you, but sometimes you're just too much.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindoffoodareyouquiz/">What Kind of Food Are You?

hmmmmmm so true!!!

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatpatternisyourbrainquiz/">What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's" Your Power Color?