The Pursuit of Happiness

The moment i arrived in Melbourne. I looked at the people waving frantically to their family members who just arrived in melbourne and i sighed... No one was there to pick me up or receive me warmly at the airport. Not that there was no one to do so. I was the one who didn't plan for anything. in other words, i blame myself lah..


Then in the cab, i tried to call some friends i knew who were in melbourne. but they weren't free. I felt so sad... i nearly teared in the cab.


Went home, tried to call more people... but to no avail. Felt even more sad... and of course sspent a good 30 mins crying and staring at the window. Neko's absense made things worst.


I started to wonder why when i was back in sinagpore, i couldn't wait to get back here. but the moment i arrive, the feelings of just being back here is just.. unbearable...


I know what it is.. it's the whole things about me having to get use to being independent, being alone and being by myself all grown up-ish. It's the whole, i have to adapt again. and i hate adapting all over again...


lucky i managed to go online (you know how computer/internet problems just LOVE to come to me on the worst moments) and ginnie msged me. i had no idea she was still in melbourne... anyway, we arranged dinner. it was so nice to speak to someone at last.


I had a godo time with her in melbourne central eating mushroom rissotto. But i canot help btu notice how extraordinarily quiet it was in melbourne. I mean, even on Monday nights, restaurants would usually be packed with people. at least not extrememly packed. but this time round, there was hardly anyone around. there were only 4 groups of patroners. ginnie and i were the 5th. the other restaurants hardly had a customer. and they closed early at about 8. Even in the day time when i did a little grocery shopping, it was so quiet..


It seems that the city is packed with students from overseas. it is the holidays. so everyone is not back yet.


but it's really incredibly quiet.......


anyway.. i came home later that night. and... sigh.. tears started to fall form my face again. I looked at myself in the mirror and i thought, why the fuck am i always so unhappy?


So i told myself, STOP. stop being unhappy. stop digging into the past and remembering horrible sad moments in my life. stop looking at the sad side of life. stop shopping t make urself happy. stop thinking that u're cursed/jinxed/whatever.


I wanna HAPPY and CAREFREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But right now, i'm really bored.. school starts on 5th and before my driving tests, i have nothing to do leh..


soooooooooooooo.. I must find things to do


- make room nicer.
- buy new furniture like bed frame and study table and bookshelf.


- buy food. more food!
- exercise for goodness sake!


- save money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- buy computer
- buy ipod! (gave mine to my brother... man, be THANKFUL!)
- pass driving test and buy car!!!!!!!!!!


- learn spanish
- get a sense of direction. (possible???)


shit.. buy so many things.. how to save money?????