sem 2 is here..

Sigh.. school is starting tmr.. and i'm so not ready. i hardly even had my holiday...

first week was spent at the farm, which i rather enjoyed, the second week was spent dancing, third and fourth week i balancing dancing and family.

it seems fruitful, i even managed to get my Ls and i can't wait to start taking lessons. i took my family out and spent time with them, i dance dance danced and performed, i slept like no one business, i ate, i shopped(not really.. i shopped mroe during exams), i had parties and outings..

but i'm sitting here in front of my computer, at 2am in ther morning, feeling that i'm not ready for sch. i haven't heard my grandma nag at me about stuff like "stop lazying around!!", i haven't quarreled wiht my sister over borrowing bags/cloths or the messiness of the room yet, i haven cried coz of a family problem/conflict( i did that almost every week at one point), i haven't lazed around in my house in singapore, sat in the garden and look at the mango trees, slpet till 2pm then get rudely awakened by my grandma going "chuanning ah! it's pass 2 and u're still sleeping???", i haven't heard my brother go "kejie, do u know that .... DNA... moon... satelite... gravity, harry potter, neopets, pokemon, molecule....", i haven't heard my mom scold the maids, or my sister screaming at my brother to go do my homework, i havent nagged at my brother tog o pack his school bag, i haven't heard my uncle and auntie telling me about ryan this that golf golf golf champion blah blah blah, i haven;t heard my mom tell me about family stuff and conflicts and internal matters of the companya nd family memebrs, i haven;t had dimsum then swiming at raffles town club with them, i haven been out with my real mom for lunch, geeeeeeeeee soooooooooooooo many thingssssssssssssssss

i also haven't played my sims... i really miss my days in singapore when i just ROT away at home, playing my computer game all day and night until i dont know what happens out int he real world, until i don't know that i just missed my lunch, or am already late for a gathering with my frens, or that it's 3am in the morning..

but why do i love to play that game so much??? i asked myslef that so many times, and i know exactly what the answer is.. i can really really ESCAPE reality when i play that game. i put myself in this imgainery world where everything is perfect, that everything goes MY way. i have good grades, loads of frens, popularity, beautiful, fit, perfect happy family, play the piano and drums fantastically, not shy etc etc etc.. i really really wanna play this game.. i'm dying from it's withdrawal symtoms... i MUST get this game here once i get my car bussiness done.

yeah i know.. my computer game allows me to escape reality but it makes my real reality worse coz i dont do much etc etc, but.. u know, it's really nice to put urself in that perfect situation every now and then... just to relax, to unwind, to... tkae a breather and come back to the real world stronger than ever to achieve that "perfect world" i strive for in my sims...

but i cannot sit here and dream about these days to come coz they will not. i'm not weak and i dont wanna be weak. (guess all that "chuanning u must be strong/independent and dont relay on your husband" thing from my aunties, uncles, grandparents, grandaunties and granduncles have really instilled this into me..) school has started and there's nothing i can do but get on with my life, strive to have better grades, strive to make my world perfect, and most of all, strive to be happy wiht my life.

sem 2, here i come!