family blues 2

i sometimes, find myself on the verge of crying but i dont. i stop, i control, and i tell myself it's no use to cry. i did that just now when i spoke to my grandma. i'd never thought i'd say this, but i really miss her. i said that 'i'd never thought i'd said this..", it's becoz, i'm brought up, so used to being away from my family. that missing my family isn't really part of me, it isn't ning.

i guess my up-bring was harsh, btu it made me strong. sometimes, i also wonder if i'm putting on a strong front sometimes. but of course, no one is strong 24-7. in fact, i'm quite proud that i'm this strong. that i dont have to relay on people for emotional support all the time, that i wont die if i dont have a bf, that i dont feel lonely when i'm alone anymore. in fact... i really dislike it when people suggest to me that i should get a bf. like for what? i'm not desperate, and i'm not reliant! i like my freedom and i love myself and my life the way i want it. and most of all, i dont NEED one.

just listening to me grandmother nagging away on the phone with me and repeating a few stuff that she's already said, just brought back memories.

perhaps i do miss the times when i rot away in singapore, playing my sims game, escaping reality, that everything goes my way like in the sims world. then again becoz of this game, i haven accomplished much in my singapore holidays...

still.. its nice to have this game around... perhaps that will be my goal after i'm done with driving..