i dont know myself
i dunnoe whether it was becoz i was dizzy, or becoz ni and i watched too many episodes of sex and the city, but before i slept last night, 101 thoughts started to flood my mind.
thoughts of choreography, studies, money, dance, love, work, production, games, computers, animals, work work, loneliness, feeling ignored and underappreciated, my body image, etc etc etc....
then i realised that i didn't know myself at all. in fact thinking back, most of the time when i feel emotional, i dunnoe what i am feeling until i go home and think about it. guess this time round, i have ignored my feelings so much so that they have accumulated and jumbled up to a big fat mess.
it's time to clean it up. 1 by one.
regarding dance. i have decided, that with a heavy heart, i will not do production this year. reasons are obvious, my exams start 1-2 weeks after production. not the usual 4-5 weeks anymore coz of my course structure. and i will also be having pratcical exams during possible production weeks. am i sad? of course. i can forsee myself feeling left-out everytime flarians meet up. i just hope it doesn't become so bad that it makes me wanna avoid them to avoid the pain.
regarding choreography, the song that i choreo halfway too.. i'm going to drop it. coz i feel incompetent and lousy.
my body image? feeling a little fat at the moment. the trip to the gym was bad. it made me feel lazy and fat fat fat. i felt that everyone in there was staring at me and my fat legs. if i wanna exercise, i'm going to the park to run with long pants on next time.
money issues, broke broke broke.. i had to get my lenses and glasses made and i'm going to be broke broke broke... no mroe shopping for me in a longgggggggg time. i have enough clothes anyway.
regarding my studies, i realise that classes are getting easy nowadays coz it is easy. the hard part is feeling the compulsion to revise what i learnt in the past 2 years becoz they are realli importnant now. i mean, i can just not revise and learn everything that they throw at me this year, or i could revise past year work and combine with this year's work and become fantastic. so.. i have to work harder.
i want my computer to play games! but i have to hold it off for a while coz i have no money.. after buying my insurance and car and lenses and glasses.. this has got to stop.
hmm.. i think there are some other stuff but it's jumbled up. so next time maybe..
thoughts of choreography, studies, money, dance, love, work, production, games, computers, animals, work work, loneliness, feeling ignored and underappreciated, my body image, etc etc etc....
then i realised that i didn't know myself at all. in fact thinking back, most of the time when i feel emotional, i dunnoe what i am feeling until i go home and think about it. guess this time round, i have ignored my feelings so much so that they have accumulated and jumbled up to a big fat mess.
it's time to clean it up. 1 by one.
regarding dance. i have decided, that with a heavy heart, i will not do production this year. reasons are obvious, my exams start 1-2 weeks after production. not the usual 4-5 weeks anymore coz of my course structure. and i will also be having pratcical exams during possible production weeks. am i sad? of course. i can forsee myself feeling left-out everytime flarians meet up. i just hope it doesn't become so bad that it makes me wanna avoid them to avoid the pain.
regarding choreography, the song that i choreo halfway too.. i'm going to drop it. coz i feel incompetent and lousy.
my body image? feeling a little fat at the moment. the trip to the gym was bad. it made me feel lazy and fat fat fat. i felt that everyone in there was staring at me and my fat legs. if i wanna exercise, i'm going to the park to run with long pants on next time.
money issues, broke broke broke.. i had to get my lenses and glasses made and i'm going to be broke broke broke... no mroe shopping for me in a longgggggggg time. i have enough clothes anyway.
regarding my studies, i realise that classes are getting easy nowadays coz it is easy. the hard part is feeling the compulsion to revise what i learnt in the past 2 years becoz they are realli importnant now. i mean, i can just not revise and learn everything that they throw at me this year, or i could revise past year work and combine with this year's work and become fantastic. so.. i have to work harder.
i want my computer to play games! but i have to hold it off for a while coz i have no money.. after buying my insurance and car and lenses and glasses.. this has got to stop.
hmm.. i think there are some other stuff but it's jumbled up. so next time maybe..
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