sad... as always

Today was the first time i felt truely back again.. my acute illness that made me spin out of my own life... it's as though i was sleeping for 4 days.. sun-wednesday..

i can feel that some people kinda dont believe that i am that ill.. heck them lah..

today, i officially have no frenz outside flare. (except my vet frens and soem other, realli fewwwww) i saw this group of ppl i use to hang out with go out without me. that group that i thought intentionally left me out, has realli realli left me out, maybe not intentioanlly.. i'm depressed. they tried to talk to me on hte tram and when we were walking but i didn't have the mood... coz i was too shocked, trying to absorb it all in at one go. plus the fact that i was dead tired after production.

suddenly i find myself back in 2004.. i hate ot admit it, but i dont have realli realli close frens other than my family here. even my family i snot that close. i am alone.. as always.

production's 1st day was good. but i could have done better.. it it truely different to in only in a few pieces.. kinda feel left out alot of times... but i'm sure there are other in worst situations than me.. my schedule for the dances suck.. (see.. my bad luck never ends) i have nothing int he first half, then everything, almost back to back after... WTF...

but we're sold out 3 nights! wooho.. my inspirational email turned scary email worked!!!!! i think...

i'm just going to die in the next few weeks trying to study for my 8 exams and my 2 tests next week.. does anyone want to be me for just one day? to be unlucky and all? bet my toes off, NO...