Completely LOST...

so many things have haapened in my life recently, i'm about to explode...

first i moved house twice coz i wasn't happy with my new apartment, then i had to settle the 1-year lease of the old apartment by paying about $1800. then now i'm struggling woth my studies..

my frens all say that i'm just paranoid, but seriously, i've never been so lost in a subject since i first encountered the written chinese words in primary school!!!

that subject is anatomy. the lecturer points at bones and says "this is this, that is that." my 3-d is not fanastic and i have difficulty picturing all the different parts of the bones..

usually i'm really cool if i cannot understand what's going on in lectures, coz i know there's always the textbook at home to refer ans self study too. but the problem here is, that the textbooks here are so bloody expensive. i'm going to photocopy a 390 page book that will cost me about $46, while buying it will cozt me over a $100!!!! and even if i wanted to buy the books, it may not be available in the bookshop. moreover, we have been advised time and time again that we shouldn't buy the textbook, that we should go the library and borrow them. problem is, the books at the library are often taken up before i can touch them!

i was so lost in anatomy lab last friday tht i actually thought of going home to singapore to study some other course instead... i thought about my easier life there, my family, my frens...

but of course i snapped myself out of that.. i'm already 1 year through, i have 4 more years to go...

but i'm just sooooooooooooooooooooooo afraid that i cannot pass this course. i'd be wasting my parent's money, my time, etc etc.....

guess i must accept the fact that i must try my best to pass, not pass with 1st class honours, but just pass... i must also accept the fact that i will go back to singapore if i fail.

sigh... grown up life sucks..